and also in Los Angeles...
and also in Baltimore...
Blogs We Love
A Hole In The Head
People We Love
The Official Carol Lynley Home Page
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
And also...David interviews Margaret Cho
read the handblog...
My Way of LifeI have to type quietly as it's very late and Chris is sleeping. I just smoked a cigarette and if I go to bed now Chris and his anteater nose will tell me how much I stink. He's done this even when he's asleep...I know he's right so I really have no defense. We had a sell-out Rudolph crowd tonight and all the young folks in the cast went out to the Holiday Club to eat and drink but the last time we went there I had to sit at a bar stool and I just like to be comfortable when I eat. God, I'm old...
I've spent the past hour and a half trying to connect my computer to the network and it's still not working. I think I fucked something up when I was playing around with the settings a couple of weeks ago and for the life of me I don't know what the hell I did and I'm really pissed.
I realize this has nothing to do with Handbag but I don't care, so there! Goodnight.
posted by David on 12/21/2003 08:15:00 AM | Link |
My Way of LifeWell now I feel like a total bitch. The Hairspray reviews came out in the BIG 2 papers and they were very kind to Bruce. Kinder then they are to most of the poor nobody actors based in Chicago. Some sort of newspaper gay Mafia thing? Truly, I'm puzzled. Maybe I was too hard on Bruce because I just expected more, being a big fan of the movie and Mr. Firestone's performance. Let me know what YOU think.
Rudolph had a big happy crowd last night and we loved it. The show was a bit of a comedy of errors with R. Kelly really topping his usual fuck-up this time, although I don't know if anybody can top Gobble-ty Gook, but as far as dependability you can really count on R. Kelly on making it a new show every night! What a challenge, a fun packed challenge that is...,
We have a full house tonight as well and tonight is also the last night of Fa-La-La This 2, and although I was glad to be part of it I'm glad it's over because I never got to play the Friday reindeer games with the other kids, although we both know I'll probably be just go home afterwards...
Ed Jones has thankfully put Wing into my life. No, not that Paul McCartney monstrosity, I'm talking real talent, so Wing makes the David Cerda gift recommendation list because I think we all need a little Wing in our life.
posted by David on 12/19/2003 04:54:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeHola Amigos and Amigas. That's 'hello' in the language of my people. I got a late start this morning because I was up rather late last night. I got a chance to see the Hairspray last night. Quite last minute, at the cavernous Oriental Theater. The sound really does get lost in that place and Ed Jones and I agreed the music seemed to low. Hairspray is a fun show and it's hard to ruin it, but unfortunately Bruce Vilanch certainly doesn't have what it takes to fill Edna Turnblad's rather large housecoat. I just kept thinking of all the other actors who are probably much more deserving of that wonderful role, and while I think Bruce is likeable and talented in his own right, but, this is not one of the areas he excels in. He's just not an actor, and it shows. He won the crowd over with his ad-libs and didn't really hit his stride until his big number with Wilbur, 'You're Timeless to Me'. I was fortunate to see the original Broadway cast so I know what could have been done with the part and if I wrote the book, and saw Mr. Vilanch in it, I probably would have been a little peeved (until I opened my check). He seemed like he was holding back- nervousness? As a writer, I thought, God, I hope I hope I'm not like that! They always say when you point the finger at somebody there are three others pointing back at you..., Yikes!
But on a positive note, he was very funny when he ad-libbed Chicago jokes. The crowd ate it up! And Carly Jibson, who plays Tracy is fabulous, as is Penny (Sandra Denise). I thought the Jordan Ballard as Amber was better then the Broadway Amber! Ed Jones and Jere Williams my lovely companions seemed to agree with this assessment, so I think Bruce is still finding his Edna, and like I said, I actually am a fan of his. If you see him don't tell let's keep this little Blog between us, okay?
Needless to say I'm dragging my behind a bit today but a Rudolph show always energizes me. I hear the chairs are filling up fast so call now at 312/409-4357 for your reservations now and see the best cross dressing casting in the city bar NONE. Bar none? What does that mean?
If you haven't gotten my gift by now you had better hurry up. This weekend is going to be a madhouse!!!!
Anything from here will suffice. Don't worry, it's not dirty, just obscenely EXPENSIVE!
posted by David on 12/18/2003 07:30:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeOur top story of the day....Peanut butter coffee mayhem! Well, the real story is THE NEW CD'S ARE HERE! THE NEW CD'S ARE HERE! God bless our shipping department. They wheeled three big boxes up to my desk. Now I have to lug them down to my car... But of course , no sacrifice is too great for you, dear Handbagger. None.
Holiday gift ideas? How about Elf clothes?
posted by David on 12/17/2003 06:26:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeA most gracious hello to you this being another Tuesday. Tuesday. There's Alway's Next Tuesday for Dreams to come true. Get the picture?
I've been busy doing work related tasks, but still finding some time to chat with Chris Jones with the Chicago Tribune and our wayward son Ryan Mackey, in NYC as well. Both of them are doing well and Ryan will be visiting us this week. Dropping by Friday to see Rudolph, and strangely enough, so will Mr. Jones. How am I, you ask? Well, my neck is still sore but what's new? I think I've gotten permanent punk rock damage from my clubbing days when dancing involved full body contact, or maybe it's from all of the times I fell when I was a little tipsy. I tell you friends, my neck hurts like a muthafucka' and between that and my sinus headaches I just want to wrap myself in an afghan and watch Matlock reruns. I wonder if older women fantasize about a three way with Matlock and Barnaby Jones? I know I have... Who do you think is bigger? Buddy Ebsen was pretty tall but Andy Griffith has big hands.
Speaking of three ways my friend BC Kalz is at this very moment in Tampa, FL doing hair and makeup for a photoshoot for GLAMOR Magazine, although you'd never know it from the way he disinterestedly runs a brush through my Gladys Dasher hairdo, or hair don't. I love playing Gladys Dasher but the make up is taking it's toll on my already crappy skin and by the time my hair covers from the wig trauma it's time to start the whole damn thing over again. It's like when you put a heavy object on a patch of grass. When you remove it the grass slowly recovers, and let me tell you my hairline is receding because I'm a little older them most. (I'm over 30)
Spent the evening at the gym last night in an effort to retard the effects of aging, but I'm afraid I just look retarded. Working out usually makes me stay up later so I watched something about Britney Spears on MTV, and I kept thinking how Ann-Margretish she is, even though I'm not really a Britney fan, there are just certain things like the tight clothes, the hair and the dancing and stuff. I'm sure people thought A-M was a bimbo when she started out too. If Britney is around in 40 years , then I'll give her, her props.
I really have to make a commitment to work on the Baby Jane script some more this week. Now that I've put it out there, I'll HAVE to do it, right? Is anybody reading this? Does anybody care? Is there no place on earth for me?
posted by David on 12/16/2003 10:09:00 PM | Link |
My Way of Life10 days before Christmas and all is well. Today I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Rudolph CD's. Finally!!!! They look great and hopefully Mike Miller's packaging will compel people to purchase them. They make wonderful stocking stuffers. Sure to complement any scented candle or picture frame you may have already purchased.
Speaking of Rudolph I'm pleased to report the houses improved dramatically this weekend. I almost thought people had forgotten about old Rudy, but I think opening the week before Thanksgiving is just something we might want to reconsider in the future.
When I got home last night Chris and I finally were able to view Finding Nemo and I absolutely loved it. I wonder if Ellen DeGeneres is eligible for an Oscar nomination, because it was certainly one of the funniest performances I've seen in quite some time. Those Pixar people are just so goddamned clever!
I'm waiting to watch Angels in America because I find it difficult to sit for 3 hours at a time without some type of annoying little interruption. I hear it's amazing, although I'm not sure if it's as good as Finding Nemo. It might be interesting to combine the two.
Derek Chappaquidick had a delightful private post show party Saturday night and once I found parking it was a pleasant little affair. We watched the Rudolph video that lovely Karla Svatos shot and all had a hearty laugh while Ed Jones sat on the back porch bitterly complaining about just about anything to anybody who was within earshot of him. The food lasted and liquor flowed freely and Derek was just the perfect host. There was even a make out closet! Oops- I think I revealed a little too much. What long john wearing cast member has the hots for the 'vivid' one with fake nose and black gloves? Hmmmm...,,,
Christmas gift ideas? Nothing says I love you like an Acrylic Butt Plug.
posted by David on 12/15/2003 06:30:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeAnother Friday. NO, I am not of the 'Thank God It's Friday' mentality. I always hated that Loverboy song, 'Everybody's Working for the Weekend', even when I partied all weekend... It's just so degrading to rock out on a song that celebrates two days off from a job. Big deal! I suppose my favorite devil-may-care song of celebration would have to be that snappy Wang Chung song. One of my favorite television memories is the contestants of the Miss USA pageant doing the Everybody Have Fun Tonight song by said Wang Chung band as their opening number. Adorned with large hair, pouting breasts, state inspired costumes and high as hell heels they sang their plastic hearts out. It sounded sort of like a Bananarama/Vienna Boys Choir treatment, and is forever emblazoned in my psyche.
I'm keeping a close on the Hammond, IN serial killer . The house that this all took place in is one block parallel to where I grew up so it's causing quite a stir in the old neighborhood. I have my own private reporter, Bea, who informed me the 'hood is abuzz with media and such and my ever protective sister called her to tell her to stay in the house! My mother informed her that she she was not in the killers target age or gender group and that she was old enough to do what she pleased.
Yesterdays show was okay with a rather unusual audience. Quiet at the darndest moments- like when they should be laughing. Oh well, you can't always get what you want, eh?
posted by David on 12/12/2003 07:02:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeLast night was a bit more restful for me. I headed out to the Lifeline Theater to see a special presentation of David Kodeski's Another Lousy Day. What is this, you ask? No, it's not the Ed Jones story, it's just about one of my favorite pieces of theater/storytelling ever. Click here to read about it, since, I'm really lazy today. I'll wait while you read it. Okay, did you read it? I'm telling you, it's a mesmorizing piece, and I was hooked the minute I started reading the passages from the diaries that David sent out a couple of years ago. I'm happy to report the radio version makes it better. The addition of music adds so much and there is even an actress reading the part of Dolores. Mind you, she's not the voice of Dolores that I envisioned, but good, nonetheless. David also displays the scrapbooks that Dolores created and her Las Vegas book from 1974 is a treasure trove of delights. She was a big Ann-Margret fan, which probably explains my immediate connection with Dolores. I'm sure Dolores loved the outrageous red mane and sparkly, sexy gowns A-M sported, and secretly longed to don sequins herself. You can read the diary entries here. David has admitted that he hasn't been keeping them up to date but then he's been pretty busy lately. You can also get more details about the WBEZ broadcast times here
The icing on the Lousy cake will a broadcast on All Things Considered on Christmas Day!
Meanwhile, Rudolph is uh, still playing at the Live Bait Theater. Those brave misfit toys and Rudolph were on WGN's 'Time Out for Talent' segment this morning and although it was nice to see them for the brief period they were on the clock counting the seconds they performed in the corner of the screen was rather tacky, but our little Clarissa Gregg gave it her all. Any press is good press, right?
posted by David on 12/11/2003 04:41:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeMy lids are very heavy today as I was up late watching stupid HBO. Probably because they were playing Too Hot For the Box narrated by some hetero porno chick- Jenna Jamison. I have to admit it's nice to see the penis starting to get more screen time. There were plenty of them, and I'm sure that had something to do with my foolish decision to stay up until 1am! Why? I have many penises on videotape myself and I even have one of my own to look at and touch whenever I want. I was also at the gym yesterday and there was a penis-palooza in the locker room, yet the thrill of seeing one on a TV show is something I just can't resist. Doesn't matter what they look like. From buffed hunk to hideous troll, if it's on TV I'm gonna watch it. It must be a guy thing... Sorry about that, I just had to get that out there.
So what's the lesson? Don't work out until 9PM and expect to sleep at 11. How's that for a lesson? I know, it;s pretty lame, but what do you want from me. The misfit toys are going to be on WGN Morning News tomorrow morning at 8:30am, singing acapella! The good folks at the WB requested we take the Jon Benet reference out of the song, so since you have to do whatever the media asks you to do I put in some stupid, lame lyrics in it's place and for the life of me I can't even remember them.
One day you're hot like Doris Day, and then you're not like, Martha Raye? No, that's not it....
posted by David on 12/10/2003 06:17:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeSo, a few days ago I get an e-mail from my good friend, David Kodeski, congratulating me on my Fox Movie Channel Quicktime moment and I have no idea what he's talking about! David is very fond of his colored water sometimes and I thought perhaps he was in his cups. Think Eileen Heckart in The Bad Seed...
But he's soooo talented! Anyway, I had no idea what David was talking about until I went there myself. 2 years ago Steve Hickson, Michael Miller, Steve Kimbrough, Owen, and myself went to the 30th anniversary of The Poseidon Adventure and The Fox Movie Channel was there filming and interviewing people for a televison special that was supposed to happen. Apparently it's happening this December 31 and yours truly and Steve Hickson are in the promo clip for it. We could be on the commercial for it too, I don't have The Fox Movie Channel. See for yourself at www.thefoxmoviechannel.com
Make sure you minimize the pop up contest box and click play movie button and you'll see me in my black Jean Paul Gaultier tank top going on about the cult of The Poseidon Adventure. Unfortunately the special was made before our Poseidon musical opened so it features the 'other' LA show, but it's nice to see Poseidon getting some attention.
Maybe if all the world watched The Poseidon Adventure, there wouldn't be any wars...
posted by David on 12/09/2003 05:27:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeIn my neverending quest to keep you entertained and informed I decided to add a new feature to the Handblog. Behind the Purse w/Yours Truly as host. Behind the Purse will tackle all sorts of hard hitting up close and personal interviews with the Handbaggers themselves. Who are they? What are their thoughts? Their dreams? Their forbidden desires? Their untamed passions? Using a very scientific method I am pleased to announce Mr. Chad McLaughlin is my very first subject!
Chad is rather an oddball at Handbag, mainly because he's, oh, how should I put it... Well, there's no way to hide the fact that he's actually NICE. Very sweet guy, and so I invited Chad over to my hot tub for a mutual platonic massage and some alcohol-free strawberry Margaritas. Here's what transpired:
David: How did you get involved in Handbag. I already know, but please repeat the fascinating story...
Chad: In 2000, I was working at Navy Pier's haunted house with Todd Ball, who was playing Herbie in Rudolph the Red Hosed Reindeer that year. He asked me if I was interested in auditioning for an elf. He also asked me if I had a problem with playing a gay character. I auditioned for Steve Hickson and got the part, but I never did recover from that audition.
D: I know, Steve can be a little rough with the 'newbies'..., Tell us about your favorite roles onstage, and don't you dare say 'cinnamon'.
(we both laugh)
C: Oh David, I call you 'Killer', because you SLAY me. The role I'm most recognized for is playing Jeff Stryker's cell mate in Jeff Stryker Does Hard Time, but I'd have to say my favorite is playing a gay elf. It must be my favorite since I've done it three times.
D: I'm sure that's not all you've done three times...
D: Never mind. How about your least favorite role?
C: Don't really have one. I enjoyed all my roles, really.
D: Uh-huh. Chad, tell us something nobody knows about you.
C: In high school I was really religious and actually wanted to be a Youth Pastor.
D: Wow. I thought you were going to say something like, "I'm a vegetarian" or something. Pastor Chad, hmmm...I'm getting this image...
C: (Looks down) I can see that...
D: Sorry, I have to pee. I'll be right back.
D: I'm back! So anyway, Chaddy, do you mind if I call you Chaddy?
C: Actually, yes, I do.
D: How about Chadzilla?
C: How about Chad?
D: Fine. CHAD.
C: The Great.
D: Oh. That's better, I like that. Chad the Great. What's your biggest fear?
C: Not being successful or maybe it's being successful, I never can figure that one out, so I'll just say spiders. I really hate spiders!
D: You know what Freud would have said about that..
C: Is that your hand?
D: I'm looking for the volume control...
C: For a hot tub?
D: Anyway, what was the last good movie you saw?
C: The Hole.
D: Too easy! Who's your favorite TV sitcom character?
C: Phoebe, from 'Friends'. I totally understand her.
D: Lisa Kudrow is amazing. A role model for us all.
C: Still looking for that volume control, huh?
D: Damn these newfangled machines..., Guilty pleasures?
C: Britney Spears and really bad movie musicals.
D: I hate it when_____
C: Really stupid people think they're smart.
D: Me too. By the way, did you know that Fluoride exposure disrupts the synthesis of collagen and leads to the breakdown of collagen in bone, tendon, muscle, skin, cartilage, lungs, kidney and trachea?
C: Yeah, BC Kalz told me that last week.
D: Oh. How about your most embarrassing moment?
C: Besides now?
D: Onstage, you silly boy.
C: I have no shame. Nothing embarrasses me.
D: I'll say! Well Chad, we've just about run out of time. Chris will be home soon and I have to microwave his dinner so let me finish adjusting that volume and we'll call it a day.
C: (sighs) Okay, just try to hurry.
D: Thanks, I really appreciate it. So will all the Handbaggers out there.
C: Anything for art.
D: That a girl! Until next time, I'm David Cerda, reporting from BEHIND THE PURSE
posted by David on 12/08/2003 06:07:00 AM | Link |
My Way of LifeLast night was frightfully cold and rainy, but our industry packed Thursday evening audience made it bright and sunny at the Live Bait Theater. I have to admit I was feeling a bit blue due to showbiz circumstances that I won't bore you with but the laughs and hugs of all of our talented friends cheered me up tremendously. I thought we had a good show last night, although when I realized I'd forgotten my reindeer longjohns and made a mad dash home I almost missed the opening number, things were looking a little scary. Saw a lot of familiar faces- ghosts of Poseidon! An Upside Down Musical. Ah, that seems so far away...
But on to future projects!
BLACK- WE HEAR A PHONE RINGING. RING, RING. RING. RING. WE HEAR STIRRING.
(In dark) What on earth?
PHONE IS STILL RINGING, LIGHTS UP ON BETTE DAVIS IN BED, SHE LOOKS AT THE CLOCK, PICKS UP THE PHONE
Somebody had better be dead…,
SHE LIGHTS A CIGARETTE
You woke me up at 1AM and you don't know who I am?
I have a person to person call for you from New York City
LIGHTS UP ON JOAN IN HER GLAMOUROUS NIGHT GOWN AND PERFECTLY COIFFED HAIR AND MAKE-UP
SHRIEKING DRAMATIC MUSIC, BETTE SCREAMS A BLOODCURDLING SCREAM
Must you always do that when you hear my name?
Sorry. Force of habit.
How Whatever Happened to Baby Jane Happened is as, we say in this business, a 'go', so I'm immersed in Joan and Bette books and I must say they're quite tasty. SO much information to use. Stay tuned for more tidbits...
Holiday Gift ideas? Sticking to the theme, you can never go wrong with Baby Jane...
posted by David on 12/05/2003 05:57:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeLet's start with some laughter. It takes a while to load but it's worth it. One day, Rudolph will be made into a claymation special for HBO and some scrappy theater company will be parodying it. Is 'parodying' a word? Not a lot to report today. I spent the evening constructing Christmastown on my fireplace mantle. What a hassle! I had to go to the Crafty Beaver and have lumber cut as a base because my anal better half didn't want any 'marks' on the mantle. I must say the results are magical. I have my elf trolley express, my elf bake shop, my smokey mountain retreat with real smoke, reindeer mountain is back and the new addition is my ice skating pond with REAL ice skaters twirling around and around around and around until the end of time.
My mind is drawing a blank right now so maybe I'll check in later. In the meantime, go the the official fake Jan Brady website and explore.
posted by David on 12/04/2003 05:49:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeI had the best of intentions to go to that Cheetah place and get all sweaty but I had to finish putting lights on the Jayne Mansfield Christmas love tree and then I found out that The Simple Life with celebrity skanks Paris Hilton and Lionel Ritchie's mulatto daughter was on AND an episode of Law and Order, Sports Utility Vehicle with Jayne's daughter, Mariska, had Nancy Allen on as a guest! If you don't know who Nancy Allen is then you don't deserve to breathe the same air as us civilized Carrie fanatics.
First things first. The Simple Life was funny at points and it has the potential to be funnier. For anybody who's lived under a rock for the past few months it's a show that places wannabee celebrity bimbo/amateur-porn ingenue/heiress (300 Million, that's not much anymore, is it?), Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, daughter of horse faced Lionel "Hello" Ritchie give up their rich girl ways for 30 days to live on a rural Arkansas farm while cameras record the entire experience. Sound contrived? It is! Is it worth watching. Uh...so far, yes. Much like the Anna Nicole Show was worth watching at the beginning. It's your typical fish out of water scenario with Paris Hilton pretending not know what a Wal-Mart is (she revealed in an interview she was 'acting'), and both girls declining to prepare chickens for dinner and screaming bloody murder over ticks in the room. Well, I would imagine most of us would not want to cut the head and feet off a chicken we were going to eat, and would also freak out if we to check ourselves for ticks every morning as well. Haven't these people ever heard of netting? The producers deliberately chose a house with teenage boys- after talking to the oldest one on the porch Paris says how nice he is and Nicole immediately deadpans with "We should do a threesome with him". That was funny. The next week previews indicated there would be more hilarity and hijinks around the corner for these two creatures. Perhaps the 4 year old gets into Nicole's purse and accidentally overdoses? Think of the possibilities!!!
Law & Order SVU was, as usual, really good. It is required by law for me to watch this for two reasons. One: JAYNE MANSFIELD'S DAUGHTER is one of stars. She looks like Jayne, and even has a picture of Jayne on her desk. You could sort of make it out yesterday. Jayne is wearing a big sombrero holding a chihuahua, which is just the coolest thing in the world. Q: Who's that? A: Oh, my mom, Jayne Mansfield, International Sex goddess and Movie Star...
The other reason to watch is Christopher Meloni, everybody's favorite psychotic murderer and love God from Oz. He is one the hottest/sexiest/intense men alive in my book and I don't throw that title around loosely! He wasn't featured in this episode but one of the guests was Nancy 'Chris Hargenson' Allen of Carrie fame, and it's pretty obvious that they used mega lens filtering on the 10th anniversary Carrie DVD because she looks considerably older, which isn't a bad thing, just an observation.
posted by David on 12/03/2003 09:37:00 PM | Link |
My Way of LifeI'm back at work after my four day holiday vacation and my body is still in shock. We had a slow Rudolph weekend capped off with a rather quiet Sunday crowd, but that's just the way it goes sometimes. I'm hoping the houses will pick up this weekend. I'm told that the Thanksgiving weekend had a lot to do with the lower attendance and then I realized we've never done a show on Thanksgiving weekend, so we shall see.
My eyelashes are paying the price for glamor. The adhesive for the oh-so-long lashes that all the lady reindeer wear gets stucks in my actual lashes and it's a painful, gooey mess. What I endure to entertain you people!
I got home last night, thanks to Mr. Talon Beeson and his stud-mobile, I caught The Simpsons and I'm happy to report it was top notch! Full of extremely silly, memorable lines and such, my favorite being 'Choke on your candor, boy!" I guess you had to be there...,
Also caught some of the A & E Biography of Theodor Seuss Geisel, or 'Dr. Seuss' as he's commonly known. I think I'm the only child on earth that didn't religiously read his books. I was rather shocked that the producer of the last two messy Seuss movies, Brian Grazer (who looks like one of the corpses in Beetlejuice) had the balls to appear in this program, since I'm pretty sure Dr. Seuss would have never have allowed the release of the last two movies. And of course, childrens book expert Jamie Lee Curtis participated, as I expected her to. Even worse was his husband stealing, floozy of a second wife sitting there with her facelift attempting to tell us that the glut of Dr. Seuss merchandise out there helps preserve his memory. Sadly there was a big trailer for the crappy film at the end of the program. Of course, I'd sell out in a minute too, but since nobody's asked me to, I'll just sit at my desk and judge others.
posted by David on 12/01/2003 05:49:00 PM | Link |
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