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Handblog Archives

10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
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02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007

And also...

David interviews Margaret Cho

read the handblog...

2/28/2004

My Way of Life

Yet another reason to hate Bush. God Bless America.

posted by David on 2/28/2004 06:59:00 AM | Link |

 

2/27/2004

My Way of Life

Tomorrow I go to the Theater Building Chicago to watch open auditions for 4 hours. Who knows, maybe I'll find my next Carrie White, or, er..., Whyte. I fashioned some 'business cards' so I 'd have something to give people if I wanted to stay in touch with them. They're very pop. I took the Hell in a Handbag logo from the website which didn't really translate too well, and come to think of it, it's not really our logo. This spurred me to send an e-mail to our very own Mike Miller. He probably gritted his teeth when he read it. Hickson must have him making Baby Jane oven mitts or something.

I finally got a confirmation from Eric Lewis, the guy who did our POSEIDON! dance remix, and he's given us the green light to go ahead and put the megamix on the CD, so for all of you completionists, time to buy another POSEIDON! CD soon. They will be fresh from the factory with the label silk-screened onto the CD. Ooooohhhh!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!

I'm stiff feeling the effects of whatever bug I have so I have to be careful again tonight and stay at home. That sucks, because I haven't seen my Handbag homies in a bit and BC lopped off all of my hair, so I got that new do' itch. You know, when you get a haircut and you want everybody to see how fab it is? Don't you do that?

posted by David on 2/27/2004 08:01:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

I don't know why I'm not a walking zombie but I feel much better then I thought I would. I'm wrapping up my workday and although I still plan on taking it easy tonight at least I'll be able to work on my script and watch Will and Grace. Oh, the simple life. Tomorrow I go see Dr. Cook about my bad shoulder...Ouch! Blogging hurts my shoulder and makes my fingers tingle...

posted by David on 2/27/2004 12:11:00 AM | Link |

 

2/26/2004

My Way of Life

It's 3:20 and I've been awake for nearly two hours. I cannot sleep. I suddenly developed cold symptoms and took this medicine that seems to have waken me up. A couple of things:

It looks like it's official: They're remaking my movie, The Poseidon Adventure. I have mixed feelings about this. It will be interesting to see what they do with it, and it may be good, but I can't see how they can top the original capsize scene. I'm sure they'll try to distance themselves from the unintentional camp element as well. Casting should be interesting. They had BETTER offer all the surviving cast members cameos. Let's hope they get some GOOD actors. Angelina Jolie as Linda Rogo?

And, this late breaking story.... How lucky is Mel Gibson? John Waters would be envious...

posted by David on 2/26/2004 10:27:00 AM | Link |

 

2/25/2004

My Way of Life

I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. Worked crawled and when I got home even I could not ignore the messy kitchen and piles of laundry so I rolled my sleeves up and got to work. I caught a few minutes of American Idol but that show loses me when they get into the finals. They all sound alike and it's just boring. The thing I like best is Paula Abdul trying to communicate in a semi-intelligent manner. I also kind of have a Simon fantasy. Love bossy men...Sometimes...

Chris and I watched our Canopy Puerto Vallarta Jungle video and we were both kind of pissed since we paid 30 bucks for it and we're barely in it! Seems like the gays got the least amount of coverage in favor of smiling housewives and that retarded Canadian family! Discrimination everywhere!

After that I managed to catch Law and Order SVU, which was especially juicy. All about killer blonde bitch teenagers in high school. Very Carrie.

And then, yes, I worked on my Jane rewrites (about time, huh?) and I guess I wrote more then I thought on my vacation since there's still more to add/replace. I have to get to bed by at least 11:30 on a school night or Chris has a fit! He even needs me around while he's sleeping!

posted by David on 2/25/2004 05:29:00 PM | Link |

 

2/24/2004

My Way of Life

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk..............

I thought I would be ready to come back home to the safety of my little Chicago world but I found myself hoping to see a couple of more of those beautiful Puerto Vallarta sunsets. It sounds hokey but you just haven't lived until you've experienced one.

Back to the real world, and responsibilities and personalities. Being the Handbag friendly Blog that this is I can't always reveal my true inner feelings but please know I experience the same challenges with loved ones that we all do. I think we all have certain unpredictable personality types in our lives, and as King Moon Racer said, sometimes you have to be patient with them, but patience has it limits, right?

posted by David on 2/24/2004 05:38:00 PM | Link |

 

2/21/2004

My Way of Life (Edicion de Mexico)

Hola mijitos! This my last Saturday in Puerto Vallarta. We've been here for 7 days now and I have to admit I've grown accustomed to walking around blatant tourist wear, meaning the mandatory sandals and shorts and crop top. The natives don{t wear this kind of clothing- probably so they don{t get bombarded by the vendors whenever they walk down the street. For those of you who were wondering my sinuses have not been as receptive to the weather as the rest of me, but other then that things are perfecto. We went to see a drag show last night. The B-Girlz from Canada and although they had quite a few technical difficulties it was inspiring. Made me think about a Handbag short film. They've done a few and they were quite amusing.

Another trip highlight was the Canopy tour. This involved going into the jungle (where they filmed Predator) and swinging from tree to tree on a cable attached to a harness. Just call me Indiana Joan. And yes, before you ask we have it all on video, so you can enjoy the look of terror on Christopher's face as he dangles 450 feet above a raging river. I really enjoyed that very much. Maybe I can work it into Baby Jane somehow ...Time for the beach, darlings....

posted by David on 2/21/2004 07:54:00 PM | Link |

 

2/18/2004

My Way of Life

The sun is shining bright in lovely Puerto Vallarta and I suppose the beautiful weather (Along with the VERY FRIENDLY strippers) are inspiring me. Reworked the telephone opening scene for Jane and started on the film crew interaction. Had a lovely dinner and retired early. I miss you all like mad but must go. The beach awaits. God Bless.

posted by David on 2/18/2004 06:21:00 PM | Link |

 

2/16/2004

My Way of Vida

Hola amigos! That's "hello Handbaggers" in Mexican talk. I'm sitting in an internet cafe in Puerto Vallarta. I{m currently on vacation and so far the only annoying thing in my life is this damn Mexican keyboard. As you can see with I{m... Of course it should be I'm, but I don{t want to interfere with native customs. Right now Christopher and Miss Davis our on the beach. I always wake up a bit later then Christopher. Miss Davis JUST dropped by sans cane. She is going to the gym. I left her at Paco, Paco the popular late night hangout for all of the boys. If you ever catch me in construction boots and hot pants and a sunburn dancing to Madonna at 50-something, please kill me.

We saw a drag show as well. Yes, they even do that Charlene song down here.

Lot's of men, young and very old. Lot{s of horrific tans and hairdos. You should have seen some of the VALENTINE Day outfits these women were sporting. DREADFUL! Walking down the cobblestoned lane in their Stevie Nicks shaws, with bleached oput hair clutching on to their mylar balloons. Because of course nothing proves your love to someone like a mylar balloon.

posted by David on 2/16/2004 07:35:00 PM | Link |

 

2/13/2004

My Way of Life

Hello everybody. Today is Friday the 13th. Ordinary mortals fear this day, but not people who are born on the 13th, for us it is a lucky day, and I, dear Handbaggers was born on the the 13th, so I am rejoicing. Tomorrow I leave on my 9 day vacation to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. This will be the third or 90th time I've been there. Chris loves it so, and he's the boss.I have to admit I'm looking forward to the warm climate but I'll be lost without daily access to a computer. Sad, isn't it? I will have to do my Baby Jane rewrites longhand. The drudgery of it all!

My meeting with Jay Paul Skelton, the Baby Jane director went very well. Lots of great ideas, so I'm eager to get started. We met at Kopi and I had a sensible meal then went to Cheetah to workout and saw peanut head boy and the grunter. This time the grunter was wearing a long sleeve shirt over his usual nipple revealing Golds Gym tank. Interestingly enough he was with a woman and not as loud as he usually is. He was downright demur. I guess the grunts and groans are part of some male to male workout ritual. The louder the grunt, the more dominant. Since he was with a female he didn't have to prove his dominance. I knew Animal Planet was good for something.

I will definitely post from Mexico when I get the opportunity so keep checking from time to time. If my plane crashes and I die, remember I want to be cremated and I want Blondie played at my memorial service. I'd also like a star studded tribute with Ann-Margret singing 'I'm a Real Gone Gal' and Debbie Harry performing 'Bad Girls Need Love Too'. Perhaps a Tim Burton movie with Johnny Depp portraying me and David Hyde Pierce as Chris.

Who would play everybody else? Steve Hickson? Ed Jones? Chad McLaughlin? Tracy Repep? Merrie Greenfield? TJ? Joe Waterman? Whatshername? Todd McConville? And the rest...

posted by David on 2/13/2004 05:26:00 PM | Link |

 

2/12/2004

My Way of Life

Well it was just me and lil' Stevie last night. He was the only person that took me up on the offer to go see Godshow at Second City. What is Godshow? Well, it's the story of Tim O'Malley, a second city alumni that had seemed to have the world in his back pocket until he lost it all due to drugs and alcohol. Yes, I know, another one those stories? Well, we need to keep hearing those stories, just like, I suppose, we need love stories. There's always a new generation of hopeless romantics and addicts. I swear, this wasn't your typical boy meets bottle show. I thought it was going to be a one man monologue show but Mr. O'Malley used other actors to portray various people in his life, which kept the pace going along quite nicely, and yes, maybe I was little prejudiced in favor of those whacky 12 steps, but I absolutely loved it.
It was frigging hilarious, touching, and heartbreaking all at once. Sort of like my last few dates...,

Uh....what else? I missed that Idol show but apparently my choice didn't make the final cut. So, that shows you how much I know about talent. Shut up, Steve! I don't even know how it works. Like, now, there's 8 more semi-finalists? What a world we live in when Paula Abdul is a judge in the country's top talent show. Her and George W. must go to the same witch doctor.

Tonight I'm finally meeting with Jay Paul, the director of HOW WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE HAPPENED, to go over our first act game plan. He's a very busy man... Apparently so are some of the other people in the Handbag circle, but being a Christian woman, I won't go into that.

posted by David on 2/12/2004 04:40:00 PM | Link |

 

2/11/2004

My Way of Life

I'll try to type as long as my strained shoulder allows. I don't know what the problem is but my shoulder is killing me! I have a feeling it has to do with the massive amount of weight I've been lifting. The little fellow just couldn't take it.

But enough about me and my silly nilly little problems. I caught a bit of the show I swore I would never watch yesterday. You know that Idol thing...,
I'm thinking the girl from Chicago has a good chance. Based on that beast Ruben StudHog winning last year, I think people vote for contestants that look like cartoons or some sort of stuffed animal and Jennifer Hudson certainly fits that description. She's cute, has those big expressive eyes, that Hair Bear Bunch hairstyle and because she's overweight, she's non-threatening to young women, who I suspect do the majority of voting.That blonde skinny chick? I don't know. She could get on my nerves... I also thought that one guy was boring. Because I'm a family man I started to cry. Whatever....faker.

I went out to my club meeting last night and happened to wander into Reckless records and found Yoko Ono's Rising for 1.99! However when I put in my car it registers as 'No CD'. Is my car, like society rejecting poor Yoko? I also bought this As Seen On TV CD featuring songs featured in various commercials. Shirley Bassey, Dusty Springfield, Trio... I'm a sucker for compilations like that. Especially when they're cheap. After the meeting I went to Walgreens and dropped some cash on Valentines cards and candy for my sister and 5, yes, 5 nieces and nephews, so I will stay in the forefront of the favorite uncle contest.

This was the Walgreens on Broadway and Belmont and if you've never been there you should go, just to check out the clerk there. I think her name is Merline or something and she is quite the character. She is sort of a combination of Nina Hagen and Moms Mabley. Sort of a good natured sweet old lady that utters tourrete's syndrome niceties at the oddest times. Speaking with her is like playing dodge ball. You just have to keep aware at all times and be ready to reply at the appropriate times. She comments on every single item you buy. I can just imagine what somebody with an enema kit or tampons has to go through with her. I think she may be slightly mentally ill, but hey, so is everybody else I know.

posted by David on 2/11/2004 05:30:00 PM | Link |

 

2/10/2004

My Way of Life

I didn't have a chance to Blog yesterday because of unrelenting work demands but since there was really nothing to report it was no great loss. Speaking of loss, how's this for 'coincidence or not?'. Chris lost his bank & credit card and the thief went on a Jewel spending spree, just like my thief did with my bank card. I have this theory about our scheming neighbor breaking into our apartment while we're sleeping but Chris doesn't think it's possible.

I've started to work on Baby Jane again and it's a challenge, but a good challenge.

Last night was uneventful. Went to the gym and saw the usual suspects there. I hate the loud worker outers that feel they have to audibly let everybody in the gym know just how heavy the weight is they're lifting. There's some schmoe there that always wears really ugly nipple revealing Gold's Gym tank top and keeps open protein drinks nearby. Yuck! I feel like telling him to shut his bug ugly muscle head. Peanut head boy was there too. Peanut head boy has a head the size of a...peanut. He has artificially whitened teeth and a tan, and you can tell he thinks he's always in an episode of Sex in the City, which would of course be impossible since he has a head the size of a peanut.

Toodles!

posted by David on 2/10/2004 05:46:00 PM | Link |

 

2/08/2004

My Way of Life

It's late! 12:29AM and I got home about an hour ago. I'm all Ann-Margretized, and so are Steve, BC and Ludwig. I have made them all A-M (that's what the hardcore fans call her) disciples.

I have to say the evening went pretty smoothly. I didn't have any trouble driving to Merriville, IN , and Ann-Margret was in excellent voice, and she did a lot of songs from past movies opening with a Bye Bye Birdie selection (The Telephone Hour) , and going into selections from Tommy and Viva Las Vegas. It was very Vegas style and I gotta tell you the girl delivered the goods.

Luckily we were able to get backstage and meet her, along with her husband of 40 something years, Roger '77 Sunset Strip' Smith and Missy, the doggy she carried around in Any Given Sunday. There was a group of about 20 and we were the last to meet her which meant we got more time with her and I think that was the best part of the evening. Meeting an idol could potentially be a heartbreaking scenario, but I guess I've been fortunate in my idol selection because Ann-Margret is just about the nicest, coolest, most gracious lady there is. This was my second meeting with her and it just felt very natural. I chatted with Roger Smith while she was talking with others and chatted with her and showed her my Tommy lobby card, and just had the best time. Steve, Brain and Ludwig chatted with her. Mr. Hickson and A-M are both Northwestern alumni, you know. Phil Potempa, writer of the Northwestern Times was there. He did a story on me, and Eric, the super cute, super nice guy we met through Bradley Balof was there as well.

I'm really tired so I'll wrap this up. Last night I went to see Big Fish, again with my homies Ed Jones and Michael Miller. STILL love that movie, and of course I loved hanging out with Michael and Ed. I'll promise I'll have better links and more of the humorous observations tomorrow. Uncle David needs his rest.

posted by David on 2/08/2004 08:03:00 AM | Link |

 

2/06/2004

My Way of Life

It's a blustery day in this dirty city. Snow, slush, people... Stupid me went to the stupid gym last night and when I came home there was no place to park. The annoying little spastic downstairs neighbor has taken to parking his truck far enough over to the right where there's no room for both Chris and I to park, so I had to park illegally, and of course, since the police have nothing better to do with their time they ticketed me. This is the second ticket this week for me. A record! Chris, the friggin' genius asked me why I just didn't park behind him and move the car when he left work. Oh. Maybe next time.

I've decided it's time to stop processing the Jane rewrites in my head and start putting them down on paper. I found a bunch of Joan & Bette books online that I'm ordering. The most intriguing ones are Joan Crawford-The Last Years, written by the same guy who helped pioneer gay porn star Jack Wrangler write his autobiography, Carl Johnes. Apparently Mr. Johnes befriended Joan in her 'final years', and this is yet another story of a big gay fan and his diva, sort of like Lucy in the Afternoon, which was sweet, in a creepy sort of way. Interesting side note- Jack Wrangler later married singer Margaret Whiting....Okay....,

posted by David on 2/06/2004 05:54:00 PM | Link |

 

2/05/2004

My Way of Life

Countdown to glamour! Countdown to excitement! That's right folks, only 2 days left until Miss Ann-Margret at the Star Plaza Theater in lovely Merriville, IN! I', taking A-M virgins, Ludwig, BC Kalz and Steve Hickson to experience the legend that is Ann-Margret. Hopefully, we'll get to meet her as well, so I'll have my authentic TOMMY lobby card ready for her to sign. God, am I pathetic, or what? It seems once I latch onto somebody I latch onto them for life. How lucky for Deborah Harry, Ann-Margret, The Poseidon Adventure cast, Frances Farmer, Jessica Lange, Cathy Moriarty and Joan Crawford....To name a few...

I suppose it all started when I saw her on the big screen in TOMMY, and I thought, she was........ electrifying. I mean, come on, how often do you get to use that adjective to describe somebody? Wouldn't you adore somebody who was electrifying? Well? Wouldn't you? ANSWER ME!!!!

I realize that this little Blog has been about me lately and my trivial little problems. No, I'm not a whiner, and I know there is only so much you want to know about the inner workings of my daily life, so on to Handbag items.

We're really working on getting our 'shit even more together'. That's theater talk for those of you unfamiliar with the lingo. It's tough, but I think in the long run worthwhile. It's easy to see why some people go crazy during this process and freakout and disappear....

posted by David on 2/05/2004 04:15:00 PM | Link |

 

2/04/2004

My Way of Life

Yesterday was not the best of days. But I survived.

My AOL e-mail account was shut down because of some unscrupulous spammers. But I survived.

I got a ticket for making a left turn between 4-6 on a corner where you're not supposed to make a left turn between 4-6, and they took my license away. This is the replacement license I just got last Friday. But I survived.
I went to pick up my prescription and found out my usual co-payment had almost tripled, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it at the time. But I survived.

I ended my day going to the gym and doing my furious Mommie Dearest workout. If only I had Ed Jones at my side saying 'If fans only knew the price you paid...'



posted by David on 2/04/2004 05:46:00 PM | Link |

 

2/03/2004

My Way of Life

Take a look at the India Times.

Yes, Janet and Justin are making headlines worldwide, and the Chairman of the FCC is mad as hell. Here's the thing... If I'm watching Sex in the City, then I would expect, and want something like this. However, if I was ever watching, say, the Super Bowl (which we all know I would only do by court order), say, with my nephews and nieces I would be kind of pissed to see this. Inappropriate? Yes. There is a time and a place to expose your breast in public, and this just wasn't the place. Then there's the lame factor. I mean this kind of sexual naughty hijinx has been done to death by what's her name and all of her fellow skank whatshername wannabees. It's just not sexy. It's contrived, which is so opposite of sexy. AND....I hate Ms. Jackson's outfit and her tit looked weird. Why, in my day we left something to the imagination... Oh, wait, that was Joan Crawford speaking. In my day we left nothing to the imagination. Good thing the geniuses at the NFL turned down Bono's request to sing about stupid AIDS, which would have just totally bummed everybody out.

I FINALLY saw some of this Average Joe series and boy, how stupid does NBC think we are? Why WOULDN'T she pick one of the hunks? I suppose I'm an 'Average Joe' myself and I certainly wouldn't pick anybody from my group. Well, maybe a couple of them...I love how the hunk with the speech impediment almost started crying when it was revealed that he once too, had been a misfit. I also love the fact that the girly girl kicked him off and kept the asshole that busted him. But geez, the mail clerk... Take a lesson from Hollywood. Geeky guys can only get beautiful girls if they're rich. Period.

posted by David on 2/03/2004 05:33:00 PM | Link |

 

2/02/2004

My Way of Life

What an interesting weekend I had dear Handbaggers. Friday started off with thievery! While working my body to exhaustion in order to stay in shape for my fans what is my reward? Some rat bastard made off with my wallet at the semi-posh Cheetah Gym. Apparently they went on some mad spending spree at Jewel later in the evening with my checking card, and of course, there's my SS card, and license and credit cards. So I spent late Saturday afternoon madly driving around town replacing and canceling everything. Let's just hope it wasn't some deranged fan...

After the wallet drama Chris and I met some friends down at the Big House to see Marna, Last Lady of Song. How can I describe Marna? She stands about 5'5", and half of that is black hair. She's what you call old school Vegas and she's just a hell of an entertainer. My good friend Richard Knight introduced me to her and now I am a devoted fan.

The next day Chris took me to see what can be best described as the polar opposite of Marna. Her name is Jennie and she runs a lot of the spirituality workshops that Chris attends and to celebrate her 50th birthday she performed a concert of all original songs. She played her own hand carved native American flute and yes, she had an interpretive dancer for a couple of the numbers.... The things we do for love.

Sunday a few of the Handbaggers got together and moved some things into our new storage space. Poor little Timmy Howard patiently drove with me as I kept making wrong turns to the storage destination. I thought he was going to strike me on a couple of occasions, but he must have remembered I help with casting on shows, so he just smiled and suggested I try a different route. Once we got there it went very smoothly thanks to all of the help we had. It's always nice to here people imitate you, like Jackie and Adam did with me. Apparently some people thing my Gladys Dasher character is 'me'. If it were, I certainly wouldn't have been lugging props to a storage space on Sunday afternoon, now would I? I'm just a normal fella'!

posted by David on 2/02/2004 05:05:00 PM | Link |

 

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