Hell In A Handblog

My Way of Life has moved

2007-05-09T04:09:00.001+01:00

Death to Blogspot, long live Word Press...

My Way of Life has moved

2007-05-09T04:09:00.000+01:00

Death to Blogspot, long live Word Press...

My Way of Life

2007-05-08T20:03:00.000+01:00

Ch-cha-changes...The Handbag site is being remodelled and I'm supposed to lay low on the bli-ZOG...

More later.

My Way of Life

2007-05-07T15:40:00.001+01:00

Happy Monday. Okay, ready? One, two, three....EWWWWWW!!!!!

My Way of Life

2007-05-07T05:17:00.000+01:00

Another stupid test. This one has particularly lame questions.

You Are In a Decent Mood

You aren't turning cartwheels, but you're having a pretty good day.

Some ups, some downs, but overall you're coming out ahead.

And who knows? Tomorrow could be even better!

What Mood Are You In?

My Way of Life- The Joans tonight!

2007-05-04T18:41:00.000+01:00

What good is sitting alone in your room when you come see The Joans? We even learned a new song...

The Flesh Hungry Dog Show
Tonight!

Friday, May 4th
Jackhammer
6406 N. Clark St.
9pm
$8 cover

Featuring
The Handcuffs
The Venom Lords
and
Hell in a Handbag's The Joans
(ever wonder what a rock band fronted by Joan Crawford would sound like? FIND OUT TONIGHT!)

My Way of Life- Ate Like a Pig

2007-05-03T19:32:00.000+01:00

Tonight and tomorrow David Kodeski will be presenting his utterly fascinating, hilarious and touching show, Another Lousy Day at the Live Bait Theatre. The money will go towards production costs to send David away to the 4th International Dublin Gay Theatre Festival. I highly recommend this show. I've seen it about 3 times myself and would be there tonight if I didn't have a photo shoot for Summer Camp.
David reads excerpts from actual diaries that he found in a resale shop written by Dolores, a Chicago Zenith factory worker. She writes about her daily life struggles. Losing weight, living with her father and sister Rose, her co-workers at Zenith, her near romances, and a detailed account of every outfit she's ever worn (looked sharp). . Sound mundane? Not the way David presents it. It's by far one of the best pieces of performance I've ever seen and by the end of the show I was so invested in Dolores that I nearly cried when David revealed her scrap books filled with momentos of her travels and pictures of Ann-Margret.

Call 773-871-1212 for reservations.

My Way of Life- Jeffs and stuff

2007-05-02T15:30:00.000+01:00

The Joseph Jefferson non-equity nominations were released this morning and while we are and have never been nominated- we've had 3 eligible shows (more on that later), there is certainly a bit of a reason to celebrate for some. Eric Lindahl, all around swell guy, hottie, and my leading man in Die! Mommie! Die was nominated Supporting Actor in a Musical role. Michael Kingston, whom is an equally swell and mega-talented guy was nominated in the same category. Michael is the Narrator in our upcoming Reefer Madness. Jeremy Trager, Joan Crawford almost ten years ago in Joan Crawford Goes to Hell was also given a nod.

Angels in America, Part Two was nominated for best production. Angels was directed by my pally Sean Graney who will be working on The Birds with us this Fall and featured Scott Bradley, who is directing our Summer Camp series. Sean also got a directors nomination for Mud. David Zak got a nod for My Favorite Year- Yay! Okay, now that we got that out of the way. In my mind, the Jeffs are very much like the Grammy Awards. The nominations range from the excruciatingly predictable to the mystifying. Am I resentful? Sure. But I would be offended if I wasn't at least asked to be a part of any club, even Focus on the Family, for Christs sake. Sometimes that's just my nature, and it isn't something I'm proud of...
I was told that they don't go for booze and dope, or understand, 'camp' or cross gender casting or whatever it is people think we do, but I was a part of The Bad Seed-The Musical and the magnificent Todd Schaner was nominated for Lead Actor in a musical comedy. His well deserved nomination shocked me. As do some of the nominations this year- for the opposite reason. Of course, good manners prevent me from pointing out names but I think if you ask anybody , including people in the shows that the nominations are connected with- they will be happy to tell you. I was hoping Ms. Ditmars would get a nod for her steal the show scene in Mack and Mabel but this did not happen. Perhaps tap dancing, is next to drag, among the list of things the members don't care for.

My Way of Life- Appearances, darling

2007-05-01T16:41:00.000+01:00

If you want to go out tonight why not stop by Crew for

My Way of Life- Mystery Terrorist date

2007-04-30T21:54:00.000+01:00

Okay, so if you had to date one of these convicted terrorists, who would it be? I'm liking the one on the far right...

Mrs. Jawad Akbar....*sigh*

My Way of Life

2007-04-30T18:03:00.000+01:00

Is Boy George a total idiot? Is he trying to live up to the 'Boy' portion of his name or is it just a problem with UK pop stars named George?

My Way of Life

2007-04-30T05:36:00.000+01:00

As Joan once told Tina and Mommie Dearest, I've been thoughtless and careless. Between the benefit and auditions for the Summer Camp series I have been busy and not very attentive BLOG-wise. The benefit spawned The Joans. I had thought aboutstarting the Joans about two years ago. Taylor and Aaron and I had talked about it back then. Aaron wrote Mad At The Dirt then as well, so to finally follow through with The Joans was very gratifying and really fun. We got a gig already. We're playing at the Flesh Hungry Dog Rock show. A mini set. A very mini set. We only have 3 songs, so...

But we're working on more. Come see us May 4 around 10pm at Jackhammer!

My Way of Life

2007-04-28T23:59:00.000+01:00

I don't where Ed Jones finds this crazy sh*t...

My Way of Life- Lets go camping!

2007-04-27T17:19:00.001+01:00

My Way of Life

2007-04-26T18:53:00.000+01:00

Wow! Our benefit was a smashing success. Seriously, this isn't some 'the glass is half full' press spin. We were filled to to gills with well over 100 people. People who said they were coming aactually showed up! All loving, laughing, drinking and not so much eating...but they absolutely loved the show. Kudos to the ensemble for giving it their all in an assortment of complex dramatic roles: Mike and Linda Rogo, Nomi from Showgirls, Joan Crawford and the doomed Jennifer North. BC Kalz in a Vegas showgirl outfit sans makeup. Priceless. He was STILL pretty without the makeup.

Miss Andra Velis Simon was wonderful on the piano, Jodi was indispensable, Hugh, Victoria and Chris had a great silent auction and our raffle whores, Tina and Chad sold way above their quota. I also was able to live out my rock star dreams in The Joans. Myself and Jennifer were Joan Crawford. Ed Jones was Carol Ann and Taylor, Aaron and Larry provided the sounds. It was really fun but I was as nervous as hell. It went over pretty damn well. I think we raised oodles of dough. Chris and I can now stay in a four star hotel in Puerto Vallarta and swim with the the dolphins! Benefit gratitude list coming shortly.

My Way of Life- Benefit tomorrow!

2007-04-23T18:34:00.000+01:00

I'm home so I can take car of things for the benefit, a Handbag Happening tomorrow. I'm not running around like mad, and to be frank, having your husband home during the day kind of sucks the pleasure out of a day off. Especially when you're married to Nancy Nitpick, but it does inspire me to get my shit done. I dug through the wigs and costumes and now I have to go to the storage space, which is something I'm not looking forward to.

We are extending the $25 industry rates and it looks like its going to be a really great crowd. E-mail info@handbagproductions.org to get your name in the industry list or just show up with your headshot or resume. You DO know where it is, right?

My Way of Life

2007-04-19T21:50:00.001+01:00

I thought you might want to meet somone from Northwest Indiana, the area I was born and raised in. Meet Michael Bessigano.

My Way of Life

2007-04-19T21:32:00.001+01:00

Hey! You got chocolate in my peanut butter!

My Way of Life

2007-04-18T22:27:00.000+01:00

I've been reading about the victims of the bullshit that happened a Virginia Tech. You should too. Henry Lee sounds amazing.

My Way of Life- RIP Kitty Carlisle

2007-04-18T20:23:00.000+01:00

Kitty Carlise has spontaneously turned into dust. She was 96. See her on To Tell the Truth.

My Way of Life

2007-04-17T16:15:00.000+01:00

Our third rehearsal for A Handbag Happening went really well last night. I think we had everybody there which is a Handbag first. All the oldies and newbies singing and dancing and joking. The show is looking pretty good. Mind you with only 5 rehearsals it will be rough around the edges, but fun. I think The Spot stage holds about 6 people. It will be interesting to see how a dance number with 20 people looks on the stage. Ed's new Nonnie song got a great response from the ensemble. One never knows when you write something new. Valley of the Dolls as told by Gilbert & Sullivan went pretty smoothly too.

If you haven't gotten your tickets what are you waiting for???? Buy them NOW online. Do I have to start printing a list of names online like the newspapers do with people who were arrested for solicitation? David? Edwardo? Dirk? You wouln't want that, would you?

My new project? Why, you're looking at it. I finally upgraded my Flickr account and have decided to archive all of my favorite film stills for the world to see. I think it's essential to capture these images. My friends John C. and David K. have inspired to release my hidden archive geek. I hope the movie studios agree with me. I've started with The Fat Spy, The Hidden and Showgirls. More on them later.... I've started uploading Humoresque. The lighting is stunning in this film and I think Joan looks her most beautiful here. This was before she got really severe looking. Not that I don't love all of her looks...

My Way of Life

2007-04-16T18:43:00.000+01:00

Just a clarification. I do know how to spell-most of the time. Why, I was the 6th grade runner-up in the Hammond Indiana spelling bee of 1972 and that title wasn't handed to me on a silver platter!I do know that concept is spelled the way I just typed it. Blogger isn't allowing me to edit the last post so I don't know what's going on, and I usually prefer it that way...

My Way of Life

2007-04-16T05:29:00.000+01:00

We are rehearsing for a Handbag Happening. Actually we've had two rehearsals so far. I wish it could be a little more but thats always the case. There are 3 more scheduled and we have to to Valley of the Dolls by Gilbert & Sullivan and Showgirls in 5 (maybe 10) minutes. Each of these will have one rehearsal...ugh. I mean, yay! Friday night, myself, Aaron Smith, Taylor Ross, Jennifer Connolly, Ed Jones and a guy named Larry had our second rehearsal fo rthe Joan Crawford consept rock band, The Joans, and it started to come together into something a bit exciting.

My Way of Life- Hungry?

2007-04-12T23:00:00.000+01:00

My Way of Life- Cardinal George vs. Carmen Electra

2007-04-12T15:34:00.000+01:00

I could watch Cardinal George and Carmen Electra fall over and over and over.

My Way of Life

2007-04-11T20:16:00.000+01:00

We had our first benefit rehearsal yesterday and I was hungry, tired and cranky. I really haven't had a lot of time to do all that needs to be done and I can be moody.

My Way of Life- Back to the Future

2007-04-10T16:09:00.000+01:00

I won tickets to see Lindsey Buckingham at the House of Blues so I took a nap after work and met Brian (after I begged him to go) . Lindsey and Fleetwood Mac were all I listened to during most of high school. Fleetwood Mac was BB (Before Blondie). Before any of that crazy music we would call 'new wave'. My friends, Rick, John and Chuck would sit and listen to Fleetwood Mac, over, and over and over. We would make up new lyrics and analyze each song. Since Rick and I were Feature Editors of the high school newspaper we made up an award just so we could send it to Fleetwood Mac. We called them the 'Golden Cup' awards and spray painted an athletic cup gold and attached it to a plaque with stick on letters. Judy Wong, the woman at the Fleetwood Mac offices who we called 100 times a day assured us that she had indeed received the trophys and that yes, the band saw them. Too know that Stevie Nicks may have actually touched something that I had touched was thrilling.

When I got too cool for California rock I more or less ditched the big Mac and like Peter, denied I was a disciple. Cool new wavers did NOT listen to Stevie Nicks and all of that bloated 70's Mac excess with its 10 minute guitar solos and feathered hair.

So it was with trepidation that I attended the Lindsey Buckingham show. I needn't worry as Lindsey was fantastic. Sure, his song explanations were a bit winded and yes, his 'I'm So Afraid' was way too slow and too long (that was was his one 70's guitar virtuoso indulgence), but he reminded me why I like Fleetwood Mac back then. His honestly and lack of pretension was amazing and the entire room was his. I'm not sure why there were so many old people there. Surely they were not my age... Balding guys with pot bellys- some wearing their Rumors t-shirts. Women with child bearing hips that sported modified 70's cuts wearing their 'nice' jeans. Our favorite was the short woman we had dubbed 'Rock Mom'. She, like a lot of the woman there bopped up and down to Go Your Own Way and Second Hand News just like Aunt Karen at the family wedding. There were many wedding dancers scattered throughout the audience. When he played Never Going Back Again I suddenly was transported back to Alpine Valley to 1977 and I thought here I am, 30 years later. I was amazed.

My Way of Life- David Dancerella

2007-04-09T17:28:00.000+01:00

This Easter weekend was a whirlwind of parties and when you have 7 nieces and nephews a birthday is just around the corner. Uncle Chris chose the gifts and he decided that the Bella Dancerella Pop Star Studio DVD would be perfect for the oldest niece (6), Jillian. Too bad Christopher didn't read the Amazon feedback for this product because Uncle Christopher was disappointed that there weren't more detailed dancing instructions- just like Christi Morents of Effingham, IL whose daughter became 'frustrated' and started to cry. Or what about Kelly Solovey of Hershey, PA whose daughter broke the headset trying to get it over her head. Just how big is her her daughters head? I'm wondering what they expected for 20 bucks...

There were tears with my niece but it wasn't because she was frustrated by the instructions. Sure that's what she said, but Uncle David knew it was because she didn't want to share the plastic mat of stardom with her 3 younger sisters. She claimed it was 'too hard' and that she was 'shy'. I grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her directly in the eye and told her LIFE was hard and that only losers are 'too shy'. I then made a deal with her. I would have her sisters sit and watch her dance then, and only then they could dance on the edge of the mat of stardom as her back-up dancers, myself included. We danced for 45 minutes.

My Way of Life

2007-04-06T17:08:00.000+01:00

A song from Elvira-Mistress of the Dark, a very underrated film. Edie McClurg is hilarious in this as Chastity Pariah, the woman determined to drive Elvira out of town.

My Way of Life

2007-04-05T16:22:00.000+01:00

Can't a fellow enjoy a nice day in the park in his bikini without being harrassed? Of course I will be inviting this man to be in our next show. Ed Jones, look out...
Thanks to Nick for this special news alert.

My Way of Life- Valley of the Dolls 5, Maybe 10 Minutes

2007-04-03T15:08:00.000+01:00

I'm Helen Lawson, and I'm yellin' and a bossin'
Tell your boss to tie a can to the tail of that broad
Or I'm outta' here- I swear to God...

My names Anne Wells,
I've come to New York City
For fortune and fame, and a man
My odds are good, I'm single and white, and I'm pretty
And I can suck a melon through a coffee can

So last night I finished Valley of the Dolls for the benefit. It started as Valley of the Dolls in 5 Minutes, but I think it will more like 10, and it has a decidely Gilbert & Sullivan twist to it. I really had a lot of fun doing it. I watched scenes from the DVD that Brigitte got me for my BIRFDAY last year with a Roxio Media thingee I got but only used for manipulation pictures. To my surpise when I opend the DVD feature it had a 'capture the image' feature. I could do this all day with certain films!

My Way of Life

2007-04-02T20:35:00.000+01:00

An now a word from...

My Way of Life- The Countdown-Human Resources

2007-03-31T06:54:00.000+01:00

Check out the latest video creation from the best band in Chicago and soon, the WORLD-

The Countdown. Oh, I know them too...

2007-03-30T19:57:00.000+01:00

As April 24 approaches I am desperately banging my head against a wall to jar my creativity.

Completed
Two new POSEIDON songs-
2 Joan Crawford Goes to Hell Again songs- one more to go (Aaron wrote one)
Opening number, A Handbag Happening

In Progress
Showgirls
Valley! - I've decided to Valley of the Dolls as told by Gilbert and Sullivan
Stilted dialogue to bridge acts.
That other Joan Crawford song

What song? What are you talking about?
Not Without My Daughter
That child beauty pageant show thingee...

My Way of Life

2007-03-28T23:17:00.000+01:00

Why I hated school, reason #784.

My Way of Life

2007-03-28T20:51:00.000+01:00

I don't even know if this is funny since I can't hear it at work but the idea and the opening is hilarious looking.

My Way of Life- Superhero

2007-03-28T18:54:00.000+01:00

Your results:
You are Hulk

Hulk		70%
Supergirl		65%
Wonder Woman		65%
Batman		60%
The Flash		60%
Robin		55%
Catwoman		55%
Spider-Man		50%
Superman		45%
Green Lantern		40%
Iron Man		35%

You are a wanderer with
amazing strength.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

I snatched (hee-hee, I said 'snatched') this from Rader's blog. Huh? I'm the Hulk? I was almost Supergirl!

My Way of Life- Hurt again

2007-03-28T17:23:00.000+01:00

So I took a chance. Grant it, it was a crazy silly chance but occasionally I still have hope for mankind. You see, last week and this past Monday, as I folded, stuffed and stamped 100's of benefit mailers I had the television on ABC and well, I started watching...Dancing with the Stars. I know! You don't have to say anything, I've already said it to myself. How could I watch that inane show with its b-list, even d-list stars whirling around the dance floor with creepy looking mannequin instructors. I don't know how it happened. Okay, I do know. They opened last weeks season with a bizarre Vegas style version of Ballroom Blitz by The Sweet with all the dancers doing some kind of Showgirls routine to it. That was it. I hadn't been that excited since the Miss USA pageant did Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung as a group number. So I started watching the stupid show and immediately fell in love with Paulina Porizkova, the gawky former supermodel in her early 40's. There was just something about her I really liked, and we know she's cool since she's been married to Ric Ocasek for years now. Those bastard Americans voted her off. I suppose I deserve it for becoming so emotionally invested in the cruel lover known as 'Dancing with the Stars'. Darkness.

My Way of Life

2007-03-27T22:32:00.000+01:00

My goodness...I sent out the E-Blast about our big benefit, A HANDBAG HAPPENING and instead of instant ticket sales got quite a few e-mails from eager actors about auditioning for Reefer Madness-The Musical, within an hour. I had no idea this very funny show had such a rabid following. Reefer Madness is part of a Summer Camp series we're doing this...summer. We're choosing 3 outside works that fit our mission statement for a smarter then your average bear staged reading at Mary's Attic. The other two pieces are pending which is why I didn't mention them in the e-blast. Any thespians reading this in Chicago should just send their resumes and headshots to info@handbagproductions.org for consideration.

My Way of Life

2007-03-27T17:35:00.000+01:00

Anna Nicole died of an accidental drug overdose. I'll bet you didn't see that coming. In other shocking news, there have been more attacks in Iraq.

My Way of Life- Little Limping Rat

2007-03-27T06:41:00.000+01:00

My Way of Life

2007-03-26T16:47:00.000+01:00

Yesterday it hit 79 degrees but I was confined to the Hell in a Handbag sweatshop folding, stuffing and stamping for the benefit mailer. Myself, Aaron Smith, Ed Jones, Michael Miller, Tim Howard and Christopher worked like Nike factory workers for 4 hours straight until we finally had to stop. I think we got about 3/4 of the work done. We watched The Comeback on demand and tried to make the best of it. Look in the mail for your wonderful benefit mailer. Don't you want to see a 5 minute musical version of Showgirls? If you're not on our mailing list, get your ass on there!

My Way of Life

2007-03-22T20:38:00.000+01:00

Andrew Anthos.

My Way of Life

2007-03-22T17:15:00.000+01:00

Whether or not you agree with Larry Kramer or not, you cannot argue with the passion and eloquence of his convictions. Unfortunately I agree with a lot of what he says. Read the open letter that the LA Times retitled WHY DO STRAIGHTS HATE GAYS? Let's talk about it.

My Way of Life- Our proud heritage

2007-03-20T23:14:00.000+01:00

Our ancestors f*cked gorillas.

My Way of Life

2007-03-20T20:29:00.000+01:00

Technorati Profile

My Way of Life- Naomi

2007-03-19T19:50:00.000+01:00

I have to say I may now be a fan of Naomi Campbell. I mean, she shows up in stilletos to scrub floors. How could you NOT love that? She's got Boy George beat as best dressed NYC community service celebrity hands down!

My Way of Life- Do they have one with Snoopy?

2007-03-16T20:30:00.000+01:00

When flowers don't seem appropriate...

Who killed Junior?

My Way of Life

2007-03-15T22:19:00.000+01:00

Tonight I'm going to see Miss Brigitte in Mack and Mabel and hopefully the girl can tap my troubles away. Even though she doesn't read them she's getting glowing notices and I can't wait to see the big tap number. You just don't see tap numbers anymore. I mean what gay boy hasn't secretly wanted to break out in tap on some joyous occasion? My list of people I've always wanted to see perform but never have will be reduced by one this Saturday. I'm going to see Miss Lesley Gore at the Old Town School of Folk Music a few blocks away from my house! I own most everything there is to own by Lesley (not Leslie) from 60's. Her body of work is truly mountainous. Yes, I love 'It's My Party' but I also love a lot of her lesser known singles. While many saw 'You Don't Own Me' as some feminist anthem, I think it just a girl setting her fella straight. First the scold, then the kiss. I'm really excited to be able to see her at a place like the Olde Towne School rather then some pre-packaged oldies show. She finally came out of the closet a while back and I would imagine it was an incredible strain for her to be a pop icon and a lesbian in the 60's, but she doesn't seem to bitter about it. She was sort of outed in 'Grace of My Heart', the box office dud starring the fabulous Illeana Douglas. Illeana's character who was based on Carol King couldn't figure out how to write a song for what they thought was a squeaky clean pop princess until they discovered she was a lesbian and they wrote a very Lesley Gore-ish tune called 'My Secret Love' or something like that. It was very clever.

My Way of Life

2007-03-15T17:09:00.000+01:00

Damn, that Mike Miller is good. Come to our benefit or give us money, or both. Please.

My Way of Life

2007-03-14T18:22:00.000+01:00

All hail the High Priestess!

You know how when you wait to see something that everybody has been raving about usually disappoints? Well, I finally saw The Cobra Woman last night and while there are incredible jaw droppingly whatthehell? moments, I was somewhat disappointed, and I hated to be so disappointed!

On the plus side, the film is in GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOR. On the minus side, is the story. I think it was written by the poor chimpanzee that costarred in the film. That chimpanzee is a better actor then Maria Montez. Let's see, should I bother to explain the plot? Okay... this dashing virile white guy is going to marry this exotically beautiful island girl, Tollea, but she gets kidnapped and taken to Cobra Island. It turns out that's where she's originally from. Some old Scottish guy brought her back with him when he visited Cobra Island and was tortured. Outsiders are not allowed on Cobra Island. So the handsome white guy puts on his espadrilles and sails to Cobra Island to get his bride to be back. Handsome guys 'best friend' Sabu, who spends the entire film in short shorts and speaks in pig Latin island talk sneaks along too, and it's a good thing he did because he saves his friend from being eaten by a black panther. Once they're on the island we find out the beautiful native woman is actually the twin sister of the evil queen of the island played by Maria Montez without a hint of distinction between the two. The evil queen, Naja, and her handmaidens are dressed as cocktail waitresses at a harem themed casino in Las Vegas. The best part of the film is when the evil queen does this frenetic dance, like Divine in Female Trouble. She has the shaking fits and then points at people who have to be sacrificed to the Gods for not giving her enough gold. The victims scream as they are carried away and the evil twins gown is unbelievably stylish.
It turns out the 'nice' island girls grandmother, the Queen of the island (Queen with no power) sent her mentally retarded servant, poor Lon Chaney , Jr. to kidnap her so the nice twin could take the mean ones place. How she planned to execute this plan once she got her to the island is never explained. A LOT of things in this movie are never explained. The film ends with the bad people dying and the white guy and Sabu returns to the island with a monkey but without the good twin. He realizes he has to sacrifice his love to save the people of the island. Of course she surprises him by being on the boat saying the island people will be fine with her dead grandmothers maid and mentally retarded guard as rulers. The End. No, I'm not kidding, that's how it ends.

My Way of Life

2007-03-13T23:13:00.000+01:00

Chris is out of town in Minnesota. Since I haven't had a stomach attack in over 2 weeks maybe I'll go on a donut binge and catch up on the movies that chris never wants to watch. I have a slew of unopened DVD's. It's horrible. There are children in Africa who want to see the special edition of Double Indemnity yet here I am with an unopened copy of it in my home laying around for months! I think I'm going to watch a bootleg DVD I acquired yesterday. It's called The Cobra Woman with Maria Montez and Sabu and people have been raving about this one for quite a while now. I also have a special edition copy of Showgirls I need to take a look at. For years Showgirls is the top movie people have asked me to Cerdalize. While, I don't intend on producing a stage version (that's supposedly already in the works), I will write a couple of diddys for our benefit with the new and improved title. Now it's call a Handbag Happening. I saw the proofs for Michael Millers graphics and I got caught up in his groovy early 70's graphics, so a Happening it is.

My Way of Life

2007-03-11T05:52:00.000+01:00

Last night some of the Dames and I went to see Trista in Porchlight's production of Assassins. A beautiful production it was. Great actors, lights and set. Trista was wasted, but she's one of us so we went to support her.

I had a glamourous Saturday. I have an annoying cold so I only left the house to pick up dry cleaning and buy more cold medicine. I ran into Hickson at the dry cleaners and we had a fistfight and complemented each on our new hairdos. I was actually wearing a hat since I was too lazy to comb my hair today and I didn't shave. I did laundry, cleaned the front and dining room and read more of my Ludlam biography and ate like a pig. I will not go to sleep until I finish another song for The Joans, the rock band that will make it's debut for our Handbag fundraiser, April 24. Buy our tickets now, bitch. Catchy tagline, huh?

My Way of Life- Whatever Happened to Kimmie?

2007-03-09T20:03:00.000+01:00

In case anyone was wondering...

My Way of Life- I love the nightlife

2007-03-09T17:31:00.000+01:00

Last night mother stayed up until 1 in the morning judging the Windy City Gay Idol singing competition. I was part of a trio of celebrity judges that offered some rather glib comments after each singer's efforts. I had reservations at first because I have never been a big fan of American Idol the pre-fab pop machine star maker but hey, as Ethel Merman said. 'You gotta keep up with the times kid!'. There were 17 goddamned contestants last night and they were all MEN. There were so many really cute slim-hipped boys there that I felt fat. I squeezed into my super$$$ J Lindeberg pants that BC Kalz talked me into getting in 2002 and my fave Laundry Industry 'X' shirt. I kept my Prada glasses on to look smart and to hide the meteoric blemish on my face. The liquor flowed freely and I sat there with my soda water at midnight in nightclub on a school night. Luckily Peter Mavrik kept me company all night. Love that boy. I also got to know a lot about Teriyaki, Hydrates local diva in residence who was a lot of fun and not as scary as I was told she would be. Amy Matheny is a kickass hostess as well. The other judge was Nightlines editor in chief Kirk Williamson. Stephen Rader was MIA, the bitch. The contestants were for the most part, very good. As most of you know, I try to look on the bright side of everything... but good Lord, I can't lie- unless it gets me something I want very badly. I guess I'm known for my Simonish/Joan comments when called for. I try to say what everyone's thinking.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO REPAY ME FOR THE 3 MINUTES YOU HAVE JUST STOLEN FROM MY LIFE!

My Way of Life

2007-03-08T20:40:00.000+01:00

I'm still struggling with this on again off again cold I seem to have acquired from Christopher this week so I took it easy last night. I'm reading the Charles Ludlam biography my friend Richard got me for Christmas. I suppose I'm a dumbed down version of Ludlam. We do have a lot in common but he's much more extreme and intelligent and reckless then me. I was just a little luckier in the life threatening sexually transmitted disease departments. Parts of the book are fascinating and parts of it are rather boring to me but I hate to skip anything, even when there are references that I don't particularly understand or give a shit about. This always brings back that 'I didn't graduate from college' chip I have on my shoulder. I don't know a lot basic theater and philosophical facts due to the fact that I wasn't really present for the year I did go to college. I had discovered liquor and the nightlife and to me, the choice was easy. I have very smart friends who make esoteric references I don't understand but they never make feel like a moron. I just usually say, "I don't understand'. David and Edward are familiar with this drill. They're really smart, but not snooty, but when I go to one of their parties I'm always afraid someone will try to talk to me about Elizabethan poetry to which I may nervously reply, 'I didn't know Liz Taylor wrote poetry', then laugh and run to the bathroom and sob uncontrollably.

My Way of Life- Yes, another test...

2007-03-08T16:54:00.001+01:00

I am the 80's Grand Wizard...

My Way of Life- Yes, another test...

2007-03-08T16:54:00.000+01:00

I am the 80's Grand Wizard...

You scored 95 80s mastery!

Thanks for taking the test! If you scored 0-50%, then you've picked up an average number of '80s songs as background music. 51-75%, then you know a little more than the average person -- congrats! Above 75%, you really need to lay off the '80s mix CDs ...

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 0% on 80s mastery

Link: The '80s One-Hit Wonders, Part 1 Test written by rbrav on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

My Way of Life

2007-03-07T21:18:00.000+01:00

I haven't much to report. I'm high on cold medication and I finished a song from Joan Crawford Goes to Hell Again for the benefit, April 24. You can also buy advances tickets to the benefit online. Oh joy, oh rapture!

My Way of Life- Another silly test

2007-03-06T21:35:00.000+01:00

Thanks to Mr. Rader... What do they mean 3% flair? Ain't I got FLAIR?

Joan Crawford
You scored 42% grit, 23% wit, 19% flair, and 23% class!

You are one tough dame, as tough as they come. You've had to fight long and hard to get where you are, but you always knew you'd do whatever you had to do to get ahead. You aren't above committing crimes (or seducing others to do them for you) to get what you want. You want to be happy and comfortable, but you usually always manage to get the fuzzy end of the lollipop. Even your kids are usually against you. Your leading men include anyone you set your sights on, even married guys that are never seen on-screen. Watch your back.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

This test tracked 4 variables. How the score compared to the other people's:

Higher than 97% on grit

Higher than 37% on wit

Higher than 3% on flair

Higher than 37% on class

Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid

My Way of Life

2007-03-06T21:15:00.000+01:00

Why don't they use this in the recruitment ads? Fools.

My Way of Life

2007-03-06T21:05:00.000+01:00

No one eats paste like my bitch, Scooter.

Boostin' on YouTube

2007-03-06T19:59:00.000+01:00

Please watch it, rate it and comment! this was added to the remount of Caged Dames and it's turned into one of my favorite songs. Tina sells the hell out of it and watch as Myrtle(Adrienne Smith)demonstrates her muscle control skills. Thanks to Richard Bluestein and Peter Mavrik!

My Way of Life

2007-03-05T20:09:00.000+01:00

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

eloquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I swiped this quiz from Stephen Rader's blog! I should write but I'm slow enough as it is at work today. I was a guest judge at Windy City Gay Idol last night at Stargaze. It was the opening night for the contest and surprisingly, I had a lot of fun. The night was much like a very famous Clint Eastwood spaghetti western, and the contestants have to sing along to Karaoke music. Sitting there with the very rowdy group of mainly lesbian patrons reminded me of my days at The Closet in the mid 80's. Things really haven't changed when it comes to loud dykes that drink a lot. They end up screaming Mr. Roboto at the top of their lungs on Sunday night. I think they're a little more fun then the boys. The thing I noticed the most was all the body modification. Now when someone sports tattoos and a mohawk they're not treated like they have the plague.

My Way of Life- RIP Bruce Bennet

2007-03-02T21:11:00.000+01:00

Another one from the golden age is gone. Better known as Mildred's first husband, the cheating Bert, in Mildred Pierce.

My Way of Life

2007-03-02T19:28:00.000+01:00

This is pretty brilliant. Hello, Lifetime???

My Way of Life

2007-03-02T17:04:00.000+01:00

Mitzi Gaynor is a pro. A GODDAMNED PRO!

I think Brigitte does something like this in Mack and Mabel.

My Way of Life- Hair, Songs and Shows

2007-03-01T18:50:00.000+01:00

Last night I went to the Aria beauty parlor and had my hair done by the infamous BC Kalz. BC or 'Brian' as I know him. He's been doing my hair for years now. I got rid of my Goldie Hawn- Beetle bangs/shag and went for short. Short for me, that is. I always feel 20 minutes younger with shorter hair and after a year of sciatica, restless leg syndrome and now acid reflux I desperately need that 20 minutes.

Ms. Brigitte opened Mack and Mabel last night at the Circle Theater in Forest Park, IL (yes, there is such a place), and I'm sure she tapped her way into the critics hearts. The Jeff Committee certainly liked them because they are recommended. How lovely! I will be going to see M & M March 15, on industry night with some of the other Dames. It also features Jon Steinhagen, Shawn Quinlan, Eric 'Dreamboat' Lindahl and Peter Storms as the Music Director, so I sort of have to go. Not that I don't want to go. Speaking of Jeff recommended, tonight I'm going to see the Teapot Scandals, the musical about the corrupt Harding administration by Jon 'Busiest guy in the world' Steinhagen. It's at the Theater Building Chicago and if you call and say 'Harding' with your reservation you get a discount on Thursday nights only.

I'm writing like the wind to fulfill my song commitment for the April 24 Handbag benefit. What rhymes with Fatwa?

My Way of Life- the benefits of a Benefit

2007-02-28T17:20:00.000+01:00

Yay! A Handbag benefit!

It's official. Our big annual Hell in a Handbag benefit will be held Tuesday, April 24 from 7-10 at the lovely nightclub/restaurant, The Spot. Open bar, buffet, entertainment- the whole shebang. An incredible deal for an incredible cause. Us!
The theme is Hell is for Handbags- The songs that got away- almost..., so we'll be featuring the world premiere of new songs from old shows, new shows and imagined shows. The 'what if we did this?' show. I can't tell you how many people have asked me to musicalize Showgirls over the years, so I like to give the people what they want. Granted, these will be samplers, not an entire musical, but it's fun writing them.

My Way of Life- Lesbian Koalas

2007-02-27T06:04:00.000+01:00

Females in a cage= hot lesbian action. Like we didn't know this.

My Way of Life

2007-02-26T16:58:00.000+01:00

Saw the Oscars last night. Yawn. Really just stupendously boring. I used to look forward to the glamour and style when I was a kid and it seems as the years progress the 'stars' have just really lost their glitter and mystique for me. I'm not saying that the stars of yesteryear were more saintly then today, but with the press reporting every single move they make now it's just not as fun anymore. Sure, the occasional horrible fashion choice can be amusing, but E! has turned this into a spectator sport, analyzing the hell out of it and sucking all the fun out of it. It was funny hearing fashion judgment from the ridiculous looking Jay Manuel (America's Next Top Model), because he looks like he jumped out of the pages of some International Male cartoon show himself. They expect people to actually stop and be interviewed while he highlights their flaws via the TV equivalent of an overhead projector used in many a 70's classroom.

I did think Jennifer Hudson looked not so good. Nicole Kidman looked like a she was wearing a dog bow. Eddie Murphy's date looked like she borrowed the dress from The Adventures of Pluto Nash and Anne Hathaway needn't had added that Franks Nursery and Crafts veleveteen bow to her dress, but at least they provided something to talk about. My fave was Penelope Cruz. After seeing her in Volver Chris and I just really fell in love with her. One of the funniest moments of the pre-pre show was Sally Kirkland nearly pouncing on Richard Roeper and some other guy. Richard looked like he really hated being there in the first place and Sally was dressed to horrify.

Ellen was good, but she couldn't save the show. Her humor was sublime. Probably too sublime for the general public. It was great to see Alan Arkin win but then he ruined it with what had to be the worst Oscar speech ever given by an actor. He read from a piece of paper with all the passion of reciting his grocery list. This coming from one of the original members of Second City? I thought improv was his thing? Muy embarrassado! Jennifer rambled, but yeah, I'd be flustered too. She didn't thank American Idol and strangely gave Jennifer Holliday a shout out. Later in the evening E! featured Jennifer Holliday's reaction to the shout out. Why does she feel entitled to whatever she feels entitled to? She got her Tony for the part. She was an actress playing a role over 20 years ago. Move on, girl!

Martin Scorses finally won an Oscar and I'm glad he won it before he shrinks anymore. The Departed also won for Best Picture which was rather disappointing for me since I was such a fan of Little Miss Sunshine. Melissa Etheridge's win for best song was also a bit of a surprise. A nice surprise. For the rest of the results you can go the Oscars site. If you missed the show, be grateful. Those who watched will never get those four hours back and you didn't have to look at the disgusting Phillip Seymour Hoffman. He looked like he had just woken up in his own vomit surrounded by empty bottles of malt liquor and half pints of vodka. Welcome to Hollywood.

My Way of Life- Bio Size Queen

2007-02-23T05:59:00.000+01:00

I saw Legends with Ed Jones, Michael Miller, Christopher Wednesday. Legends starred two television pop culture legends, Linda Evans and Joan Collins. I had low expectations, particularly for Ms. Evans who never really shined on the small screen, let alone a large theater. I guess I should have set my expectations a bit lower. It wasn't Mamma Mia bad, but it was pretty lame. The biggest surprise for me was the weakness of the play itself. Sitcomy with some pretty predictable jokes. There were some amusing moments, but I can see why this didn't do well with Carol Channing and Mary Martin. It's just not a very good play. I would imagine the book based on the making of the play is much better. Somebody invested an awful lot of money into this too. What a waste. Joan wasn't bad but it seems like she could have been better if pushed harder. I dunno about Linda though. She was upstaged by her hair for God's sake. The funniest moment for me was not in the show, but in the program. My friend Philip Dawkins was there and said the person with the biggest bio has the smallest dick. Joan's must be miniscule.

Linda's bio:

Joan's bio:

My Way of Life

2007-02-21T18:42:00.000+01:00

I was up late last night at The Spot checking out Jonny Stax's band, Balls Out or something like that (Ballzout?), featuring multiple singers including Michaela Petro, Ed Jones, Cheryl Snodgrass and the oh so lovely Scott Bradley as Precious Little sporting a lovely cat earred helmet/wig/hat. I had a fun time and the crowd at the Spot is interesting. A bag of mixed nuts. The only Dame representation there besides aforementioned was Peter Mavrik our backstage wonderboy.

Theres so much celebrity trash news going on its a bit overwhelming. I don't care one bit about Britney Spears shaving her head. Doesn't everybody who drinks a lot in their youth do that? Mine were more like punk rock patches. People constantly asked if I had recently had surgery and I would explain I had a blue day followed by a liquor filled evening which tends to make you do very dramatic things. People talk about her poor kids. They don't care about her kids. It's just fun to see someone who was once sucessful fail (whether you think they deserved it or not) because America is full of jealous retards who hate what they don't understand or can't imagine having. James Brown's body is finally getting buried. I'm surprised his family hasn't put strings on his corpse and put him back on the road. Who gets Anna Nicole's body? Why not cut her up like so much meat? She lived her life as on display like some prized heifer at the county fair anyway. Just keepin real peoples...

My Way of Life- Our new spokesmodel

2007-02-20T18:18:00.000+01:00

My Way of Life- Caged Dames on YouTube

2007-02-20T05:45:00.000+01:00

Thanks to Peter Mavrik and Richard Bluestein for helping us put up our first Caged Dames YouTube clip, From Good to Bad.

My Way of Life- Big audio Dames

2007-02-19T20:26:00.000+01:00

Catch some of the Dames on the Windy City Queercast with our little Peter.

My Way of Life

2007-02-19T18:00:00.000+01:00

Hello! I'm not dead.

My goodness, has it been since last Wednesday that I've blogged? I was incapacitated Friday due to my tummy troubles and I'm currently on an extremely bland diet to heal my esophagus. Esophagus! Get your ass in the house!

My Way of Life

2007-02-14T18:38:00.000+01:00

There's a lot of snow outside and although it's beautiful it cramps my style. Speaking of cramps, I think I will hear from my doctor today. But let's not talk about that now. Let's talk about my immensely talented pal Jon Steinhagen and his new show The Teapot Scandals. What is that you ask? Why, it's a musical about the corrupt Warren G. Harding administration. He was the president a long time ago. Of the United States. Jon is terribly witty and clever so, although I've yet to see it, I'm looking forward to seeing it. Jon did all the fab arrangements in Caged Dames so you can see why I'm such a fan of his. The show is playing next door to Caged Dames at The Theater Building, so go check it out baby.

My Way of Life

2007-02-13T19:09:00.000+01:00

I'm an uncle-again. My sister had her 7th child quite unexpectedly yesterday. A boy. I think his name is Seth. If I took one she wouldn't notice, would she? Chris and I just visited the clan Sunday. All of the nieces like Uncle Chris the best because his skin and hair is the color of Barbie.

My sister: Um, mom, I'm going to have another baby....
My mother: Where you gonna put it? The ROOF?

My Way of Life- Save the date!

2007-02-12T23:18:00.000+01:00

Looks like our big annual benefit will be April 24, Tuesday. Yippee! More details to come.

My Way of Life

2007-02-12T04:33:00.000+01:00

So Friday I went to the doctor about my horrible stomach problem and after a few blood tests I went home to get ready for the show and had another excruciating attack. It's like swallowing a bag full of red hot nails that just lay there for 12 hours. I missed my first show ever due to illness and luckily the director, Scott Bradley filled in for me. I went as far as going to the theater where I started getting dry heaves in front of the Bare Naked Lads. It was horrible. Truly horrible. I'm on Cimitedine, which is Tagamet and it seems to be doing the trick but I can't eat spicy or fatty foods, which just about covers everything I eat. Lord help me. I get the test results Tuesday. Ulcer or really bad heartburn. An ulcer indicates a high pressure glamorous theater career, right?

My Way of Life- Healing

2007-02-09T19:29:00.000+01:00

I feel like I have no choice but to post this clip from a Feast of Fools show featuring the brilliant BC Kalz as Anna Nicole Smith. This is taken in happier times when Richard Bluestein, Fausto and I worked together. The woman in leopard is actually playing ME. She's in the looney bin now. Perhaps in some strange way Anna Nicoles death will result in some sort of healing with Fatso.

My Way of Life

2007-02-09T17:16:00.000+01:00

Good morning. Welcome to our sick little world.

My Way of Life

2007-02-08T22:08:00.000+01:00

The reason you can't get online is because Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Tell Jesus to stock up on the Cheetos. Poor kid.

RIP Anna Nicole seen here in The Cat in the Hat musical...

My Way of Life- God LOVES you...

2007-02-08T19:06:00.000+01:00

So I happened to stumble across this Touched by An Angel official website when doing one of my routine compulsive searches for Del Shores, successful cheeseball gay playwright. 20 minutes later I realized I needed to get back to work. The guest stars on that show are worth the time spent on it alone. Carol Burnett, Ann-Margret, Randy Travis, the mom from Mr. Belvedere, Kirsten Dunst, Jack Black, John Amos and Florida from Good Times, Debbie Allen, Margot Kidder... you name a star and they probably appeared on this show. Touched is one my favorite guilty pleasures. The predictable storylines ending with the Angels revealing their identities to the celebrity of the week. And they fucking GLOWED as they did it! I love the way Roma Downey said, with that accent and tears glistening in her eyes. 'God loves you'. This show always got me teary eyed myself. Real life- no tears, but artificial situations, hell yeah. This got me to thinking about other secret guilty pleasures. Now I don't mean trendy ironic emo guilty pleasures like Starksy and Hutch or the Backstreet Boys, or any t-shirt you can buy at Urban Outfitters- I mean things that you probably wouldn't want to publicly declare, like loving Touched by an Angel or Webster.

Mine include:

Bananarama- They sing just above a whisper and I suspect without a producers touch they would sound like the kids from Zoom but I just like the idea of 3 (there are 2 only left now) beautiful 'alternative' (at the time) London hipsters shamelessly singing overproduced pop songs. I like their version of Help better then the Beatles. Click here to watch my favorite Banarama video, Rough Justice. Watch them as they sing about poverty whilst applying cosmetics. Brilliant!

Reba- I never even watched this until Lifetime started showing it and now you can't turn on the television without seeing an episode of Reba, the survivor. Reba is the Mama's Family for the new millennium with her hunky son in law Van filling Bubba's tight jeans. Reba has about 3 expressions and is so stilted that you swear you can strings dangling from her but I love watching the 'so bad, they're good' cast and Miss Reba. The hot, dumb daughter, the snarky, 'gonna be ugly really soon' middle girl that they will desperately try to beautify when she gets older like that daughter in Desperate Housewives, and of course, the retarded youngest child. Barbara Jean, played by Melissa Peterman is fabulous, but seeing which 3 expressions Reba chooses to use in any given scene gives me great pleasure as well. Reba gives hack actors like me hope.

CAN TV- I love watching public access television shows and my favorite ones are the truly sincere citizens that try to cover what are truly important issues like AIDS in the African American community or transgender rights. There are also the fashion shows with truly hideous diluted hags that strut down the runway in their best Milwaukee Avenue fashions, and you know they only get to do do this after they pay an 'entrance fee' which makes it all the more pathetically horrifying!

Myspace profiles- I love to surf Myspace for some of the more interesting profiles. I don't mean the hot guys without a shirt that probably aren't real people or the endless overweight blondes with photo collages of them and their best overweight girlfriends (there's usually one hot one) holding drinks in a bar with the caption-'I'm really drunk'. I mean the sad profiles of the too old or just doesn't;t fit the caste they;re trying to be a part of, or... the person that posts horribly inappropriate photos of himself or uses Myspace to send out embarrassing quizzes or with a couple of desperate 'Do you find me attractive' questions buried in body of the test. There are also the rants of imagined victimization trying to lure a response of 'I think you're swell' to said poster.

What are some of your DARK GUILTY PLEASURES? Please, no Abba or 'eating frosting out of the can' responses. I want the dirt.

My Way of Life- from the archives

2007-02-08T06:10:00.000+01:00

I can't believe BC Kalz never told me he made this...

My Way of Life

2007-02-07T20:39:00.000+01:00

This is the final week to catch prodigal daughter Steve Hickson in Sordid Lives. I'm going Thursday or Sunday. Maybe BC Kalz will get back to me by then...

My Way of Life- Electronic Shrine

2007-02-07T20:15:00.000+01:00

Please send out positive vibrations into the cosmic universe so that Caged Dames will be accepted into the New York International Fringe Festival 2007. The application was sent out today. For those of you who need a visual I have a couple of choices for you. St. Catherine of Bologna, patron saint of liberal arts or the far out cosmic GODDESS, Nina Hagen to pray to!

My Way of Life

2007-02-07T16:09:00.000+01:00

This happens at Man's Country on a regular basis, now it's international news.

My Way of Life- Avoir!

2007-02-06T18:53:00.000+01:00

Yet another childhood TV memory has passed away. Barbara McNair. She was classy, gorgeous, and black! That was a big deal back in the 60's. I remember loving her name. It was so movie starrish... Hello, I'm Barbara McNair, I would say as I greeted guests at my big Hollywood party...

My Way of Life- Please kill me...

2007-02-05T20:16:00.000+01:00

Sunday started like any other day. I went to church with Christopher and afterwards we went to Overeasy, the extremely popular breakfast cafe near our house on Damen and I had the Saucy Eggs. I think that's what they're called. They have chorizo and other spicy things in them.. 2 hours later I was heaving and heaving and heaving. My stomach felt like it was on fire and the heaving contractions just accentuated the burning pain in my gut. I thought I may die. This lasted until 3am. My stomach refused to take in the slightest drop of water or pill. God, I thought, why has thou forsaken me? I feel fine now but I couldn't go to work. I felt like I deserved the day off. Was this a punishment for not caring about the Chicago Bears or laughing at Prince's do-rag? I don;t know. I'm just glad it's over.

My Way of Life

2007-02-03T18:14:00.000+01:00

God bless Brigitte Ditmars. We had an emergency last night and Brigitte graciously volunteered to fill in for the lead role tonight, cancelling her four year anniversary plans with her sweetheart, Dan. Brigitte played the part of Mary Anderson in the fall run of Caged Dames and even with the changes in the script and blocking she did amazingly well. Better then me, but that's no surprise.
Thanks to Dan for sacrificing his anniversary evening for art. It's bitterly cold today and will be colder tonight. Let's hope people leave their house tonight.

My Way of Life

2007-02-02T17:34:00.000+01:00

The dames posing with their favorite prison chaplain.

Caged Dames is listed as the #1 Don't Miss show in TimeOut Chicago this week, so call the Bailiwick Theatre at 773-883-1090 to make your reservations. This Friday and Saturday are Industry Nights.

My Way of Life

2007-02-01T22:19:00.000+01:00

You think you're fucked up? Not even close.

My Way of Life- Shut up, Tyra

2007-01-31T16:04:00.000+01:00

God, please, God, somebody put some duct tape over Tyra Banks pouty lips and seal her in a crate. I doubt this would stop her from bitching to anybody that will listen to her but hey, it's worth a shot. Even I can't escape the media blitz of Tyra proclaiming 'I'm not fat!' to anybody that will listen. Yeah, you're not fat, but you're certainly not a role model either, which is what she seems to be tacking on to her 'I'm not fat!' declarations. My favorite show clip of hers is when she dressed in a fat suit and wandered through the streets as if she were a leper. Her voiceover was priceless and as stilted as her 'We're all girlfriends here' attitude on her show. The show, like most of her hard hitting, unflinching subject matters has a definite After School Special vibe, and not in a snarky ironic way. Let's face it, America be dumb and she's just giving them what they want.

My Way of Life

2007-01-30T23:49:00.000+01:00

Whatthefuck?

My Way of Life

2007-01-30T18:47:00.000+01:00

Last night I went to the gym in my quest to remain reasonably fit. I say reasonably because I do not eat as healthy as a man my age should. I've always been underweight, so unlike others I'm just starting to see the effects of donuts and bacon on my body. Working out at least 3 times a week seems to counter the effects. I wish they had some sort of wrist steroids. You see, I have the wrists of a 10 year old girl. Always have. My ankles are really thin too. When I was a wee lad I had to wear high top type shoes to support my fragile like ankles. I wasn't aware of how thin I was until I got older and it was alarming to me! Particularly because the gays like the muscles. They say an overweight person always feel like a fat person even when they lose the weight. I have that problem in reverse. Compounded with my lifelong skin problem and general alcoholic big ego, low self-esteem mindset and I'm quite the catch! Chris is so lucky.

My Way of Life- Ed Jones in the news

2007-01-30T06:06:00.000+01:00

Have you picked up the latest TimeOut Chicago to read the chat with Ed Jones, star of Caged Dames? Well, get your ass to the store right away. It's bound to be a collectors item.

My Way of Life- RIP Liz Renay

2007-01-29T16:59:00.000+01:00

One of those moments that makes you curl your lip and sadly say , 'Oh....' Whenever I think of Liz Renay I think of Brian or 'BC ' as you all know him. Her character, Muffy St, Jacque is one of his favorites and one of his favorite lines from the film is 'I sleep in the bed, NEXT (shaking chest) to you!'... you kind of have to be there to really appreciate it.

One of my favorite books is My Face for the World to See, Ms. Renay's 'colorful' autobiography. I made BC read a section of that book for his POSEIDON audition. I still think it would make a great play. She led an in incredibly wild life, even with all of her hilarious exaggerations in her book, it's still a great read. Other books include Staying Young and My First 2000 Men. She also had a mother daughter striptease act. I love that on so many levels. I wrote that into a play that has never been produced (because it was never finished).

Cult movie actress, gangster moll, painter, stripper, plastic surgery addict and DAME. Sounds like the perfect life. God bless, Liz...

My Way of Life

2007-01-27T07:15:00.000+01:00

Re-opening tonight. Where were you?