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Handblog Archives

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03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007

And also...

David interviews Margaret Cho

read the handblog...

5/27/2005

My Way of Life

You can't always get what you want.., Yes, dear readers I learned that lesson at 11:30pm, last night. After much, much, much, much thought and meetings and this and that it had come down to myself and another as book writer for Silence! The Musical, what looks like to be the hottest show at New York International Fringe Festival. The other guy lives in NYC, and can be at the rehearsals and work on the changes immediately, I..., clearly do not live in NYC, so although they loved my treatment (and I do believe John, the producer) it was decided to go with the person that lived in NYC. Yes, I was disappointed, then doubly disappointed when I found out who was interested in the lead and a few other details I probably shouldn't share with you now. Needless to say it made me wish I lived in NYC, but I don't. Brigitte reminded me I had a lot to be grateful for and helped put things in perspective, and I think my partner tried to comfort me- I'm not sure with him.

Let's face it, I wasn't crying or anything. Not my style..., but I've got a musical opening in July here and I've made new New York contacts, so as it says in the SCARRIE! The Musical finale, "So It Goes"...,

posted by David on 5/27/2005 03:31:00 PM | Link |

 

My Dirty Way of Life


Boy, would I like to clean their bathroom. I find these two especially sexy, particularly Ewan. I'm blushing like a little girl!! Posted by Hello

posted by David on 5/27/2005 04:58:00 AM | Link |

 

5/26/2005

My Way of Life

It's been a rather stressful week for moi, filled with real and imagined problems and tasks.
We're searching for performance spaces for two shows. I've yet to hear from the SILENCE people. I was supposed hear from them at noon. Of course I haven't. I have a check engine light that won't stop lighting and my hair looks like shit! Please, brighten my day.

posted by David on 5/26/2005 09:54:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

On behalf of all of us at Hell in a Handbag Productions I'd like to give a hearty congratulations to Carrie Underwood for her stunning and well deserved American Idol victory. Oh, by the way Blanche...., did you know it's fixed?

posted by David on 5/26/2005 03:21:00 PM | Link |

 

5/25/2005

My Way of Life

From the Handbag research labs, thanks to Pam Dierking. These poor unfortunate people. Perhaps we should have some sort of benefit.

posted by David on 5/25/2005 07:42:00 PM | Link |

 

5/24/2005

My Way of Life

Hi, I need to file a police report

Police: Concerning?

My catalytic converters been tampered with?

Police: How do you know this?

The dealership claims it has been and the mechanic I go to said there were irregular welding marks on the car.

Police: That's a civil matter sir, You have to contact a lawyer.

I don't know how or when it happened. I have no one to accuse.

Police: Sir, it's a civil matter.

So, if somebody threw a brick through my window would I call a lawyer or the police?

Police: (Fed up with me) That's property damage, sir, you would call the police.

My property has been damaged! Tampered with! It's illegal to tamper with a catalytic converter, isn't it?

Police: Let me speak with my sergeant. (Pause, probably continues to file acrylic nails)
Sir, that's a civil matter.

posted by David on 5/24/2005 05:29:00 PM | Link |

 

5/23/2005

My Way of Life

The next time you get angry that someone hasn't had the foresight to release one of your favorite old movies or television shows on DVD, click here and you'll get even angrier.

posted by David on 5/23/2005 09:00:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

More not-surprising bullshit lies from our current regime. Do you think this will wake up the Bush 'Go AMERICA!' supporters? Nope.

posted by David on 5/23/2005 06:43:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

This weekend my partners twin brother and his wife visited and I entertained them Saturday night. They arrived in the evening. Christopher was at a wedding so I ended taking them to our favorite neighborhood restaurant, El Tipico on Foster Avenue. It was fun spending time alone with my partner's twin brother and it was also a little weird seeing how many quirks Chris and his brother have in common.

The next day we took them to see Second City's mainstage show Red Scare, a show I had already seen when my friend Andy Eninger understudied in it a couple of months ago. I saw it on a Saturday night and all I can say is it's probably not a good idea to see the show on a Sunday as the cast seemed hoarse and running on low energy, plus the sound was funky for the first half of the show. There were one or two different female performers from the original 3 and they just didn't measure up to the women I saw earlier. I have to say that the standouts were Antoine McKay (You'll be seeing him on SNL soon enough), Claudia Michelle Wallace, and the guy Andy Eninger stood in for, Brian Gallivan. That being said you have to understand they run from Tuesday to Sunday, that's a LOT. The Sony Corporation keeps them under tight rein.

We journeyed home for much more satisfying entertainment fare thanks to our VCR, to watch the season finale of Desperate Housewives. My goodness, it was a good one.

posted by David on 5/23/2005 03:52:00 PM | Link |

 

5/21/2005

My Way of Life


Yabba Dabba DEAD. Posted by Hello

posted by David on 5/21/2005 05:59:00 AM | Link |

 

5/20/2005

My Way of Life

So the dealer calls me up at later in the afternoons.

"Mr. Cerda, this Juan at the Autobarn, We've replace your sensor but now we've discovered another problem"

Me: And what would that be?

The check engine light is still lit and we discovered an abnormal welding mark on your catalytic converter. I t looks like somebody took off your catalytic converter, hollowed it out, and replaced it. Since it was tampered with it's not covered under your warranty.

Me: Why would anybody do that?

I don't know sir

Me: How do you know it's hollow?

It feels hollow when you tap it.

Me: Did you remove it and check?

No. It sounds hollow. That's what's making your check engine light go on.

Me: So it's not the 400.00 part and labor work you JUST did?

Well, it's in addition to that.

Me: And you couldn't tell that the catalytic converter was damaged form the 109.00 diagnostic test?

No.

Me: How much would this cost?

1300.00, sir.

Me: The car is worth 5500.00. How you can tell the catalytic converter has been tampered with?

The irregular welding marks.

So I call my mechanic. Betty (my Beetle ) has only ever been serviced by the Autobarn and my mechanic, who I trust much more then the Autobarn.

My mechanic: WHAT? How do they know it's hollow? Did they remove the convertor?

Me: NO.

My mechanic: Do they have fucking X-Ray vision? We don't have record of doing that. WHY would we do that?

Me: I'm telling you what they told me. Call them.

They talked. Of course I refuse to let them replace the converter.

Well sir, the emissions are harmful.

Me: Funny, I just passed my emissions test in February-AFTER the last major repair was done on the car. Do people make it a habit of removing people catalytic converters, to hollow them out and weld them back to the car? Like stealing stereos or hubcaps?

No, sir, it would be hard for them to crawl under the car and do all that work.

I go to pick up the car.

Me: How do you know that this wasn't like this when I originally bought the car?

That's impossible.

Me: Really? How do you know? Can you prove it?

It's impossible.

Me: You're pretty sure about this. Just like you were sure what caused the check engine light to light up when originally came in this morning, and you were wrong.

No, this is in addition to he original diagnostic test.

I took the car to my mechanic and he confirmed that it looked like somebody welded the catalytic converter on. He also confirmed it wasn't the type of welding thingee they use- he knew by the cut.

We've got a Scooby mystery here. Somebody is either lying or stupid, or both.

By the way, the only reason I took my Beetle to the dealer was because I was having oil consumption problems and I thought the check engine light came on because of that, because of course, the check oil light doesn't come on when the oil is low.

I want to drive the car over a cliff .

posted by David on 5/20/2005 06:15:00 AM | Link |

 

5/19/2005

My Way of Life

Normal high class problems today. Ever since I was a little boy I've always been in love with the Volkswagen Beetle. I had a several toy Beetle cars, my favorite being the one my great-grandma Elley gave me. It was a battery operated on that had a lady with a bobbed haircut driving it. She looked like a librarian. So fast forward, 1999, 32 years later and I finally get my drivers license. I HAD to have a VW Beetle. Everything seemed swell until last year...,
Things started falling apart and after only 40,000 miles in 6 years I learned that the good old German VW engineering isn't what it used to be. German engineering by way of Mexico. I don't know how long I can afford to keep Betty with all the outrageous repair costs. It got to the point where I finally had to take it back to the dealer which I avoided like the plague after my maintenance warranty expired, because well, everybody knows the dealer is a big hairy rip-off, but my mechanic was at their wits end with the oil consumption and the check engine light going on every other week. Are you asleep yet?

I'm rather sad. My boyhood dreams of owning a Beetle have been shattered by shitty workmanship and now I'm in a position of wanting to get rid of a car I've named 'Betty'. My very first car. The moral? Don't buy a Volkswagen.

posted by David on 5/19/2005 06:08:00 PM | Link |

 

5/18/2005

My Stupid Way of Life

Stupid.
Stupider.
Stupidest.

posted by David on 5/18/2005 09:33:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

With impressions superb, all the ladies he charmed,
I was sad to have learned that he bought the farm...,

Okay, it was a last minute rhyme, what do you expect. Thanks to Derek.

posted by David on 5/18/2005 09:12:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

That's quite impossible. Their brain pans simply are not big enough....,
Oh yeah?
Cathy? Where's Cathy?

posted by David on 5/18/2005 05:12:00 PM | Link |

 


Here's a candid shot of me studying my lines for The Bad Seed-The Musical, courtesy of Magnum Photos Posted by Hello

posted by David on 5/18/2005 05:50:00 AM | Link |

 


Now I'm resting. Posted by Hello

posted by David on 5/18/2005 05:42:00 AM | Link |

 


Still writing! Posted by Hello

posted by David on 5/18/2005 05:40:00 AM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

Good Lord..., I found this image from the Broadway production of Carrie-The Musical. I purposely have not read the Carrie -The Musical Broadway script, although it's pretty accessible to any theater geek that's looking for it. Gee, I wonder why it failed?

posted by David on 5/18/2005 04:30:00 AM | Link |

 

5/17/2005

My Way of Life

Have you seen my wish list? Oh, HERE it is...,

posted by David on 5/17/2005 09:05:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

I 'dropped by' the SCARRIE rehearsals last night in time catch Sue and Tommy (Veronica Sheaffer & Ryan Lanning) and Chris and Billy (Robyn Senchak and Tim Howard) and Carrie (Joey Steakley) , Kevin Simmons (Steve) and Scooter understudy Jackie Anderson working on the scene leading up to the Sue/Chris duet 'Do It For Me' and Tommy asking Carrie tot he prom in the library. 'Um....llamas...'

Margot is doing a great job with these actors. It was very exciting to watch them in action. Jackie Anderson was eating squashed donuts.

posted by David on 5/17/2005 06:58:00 PM | Link |

 

5/16/2005

My Way of Life

Saturday Chris and I and Brigitte and Dan saw ensemble member Melissa Pond in Boxer Rebellion's God's Country, a sort of 'Everything You Wanted to Know About White Power But Were Afraid to Ask or Know' type of show that focuses on the murder of DJ Alan Berg. Melissa's beau Alex Gunn is also featured in it. I have to say the show has received mixed reviews but I found the cast to be very solid and committed to sections that were sometimes redundant or 'beat you over the head' long. The cast as a matter of fact, was quite good, and a lot of the information and facts in the show were eye-opening, but it needed some editing (yeah, look who's talking), and, jeez, I don't know, more creative direction. I was very proud of my little reindeer girl-except when she and Alex nearly copulated onstage...,

posted by David on 5/16/2005 07:05:00 PM | Link |

 

5/13/2005

My Way of Life

While little Georgie was riding his bike...,

posted by David on 5/13/2005 07:30:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

Greetings one and all! The Bad Seed- The Musical cast was all abuzz yesterday as we received the coveted HIGHLY RECOMMENDED status in The Reader. You just never know what people are going respond to. There are a lot of younger folks in the cast and their energy is infectious.
Brannen Daugherty came with what I think was a date, a charming young man named Jeff (It was so obvious he wanted me). I have to admit I was a bit 'off' yesterday. FOCUS, David, FOCUS.

Tomorrow I'm going to see ensemble member Melissa Pond in Boxer Rebellion's production of God's Country in case anybody's interested in stalking me.

posted by David on 5/13/2005 06:58:00 PM | Link |

 

5/12/2005

My Way of Life

Life With Chris

So, last night I came home after a sold out performance of 'The Bad Seed-The Musicall' , and my loving, attentive, caring partner looks at me and says, 'Why are you wearing make-up?'

Me: Uh, I was in a show..., I tried to wash off what I could...,
Chris: Oh, that's right, I forgot.

Yes, Chris, I regularly go out wearing coral lipstick and blue eyeshadow. Men!

Speaking of The Bad Seed-The Musical, here is the Time Out Chicago review, and I also learned we're HIGHLY RECOMMENDED in The Reader. It's not really bragging if I didn't write the show, is it?

Yesterday I wrote a song for SCARRIE-The Musical (remember that?) called 'Our Future Starts Today', and when I got home I started the laborious process of copying rehearsal CD's. Oh, the life of a star....,

posted by David on 5/12/2005 07:15:00 PM | Link |

 

5/11/2005

My Way of Life

Jesus fucking Christ....,

posted by David on 5/11/2005 10:08:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

Check out the bottom section of Jonathan's column. It also helps if you don't ask...,

posted by David on 5/11/2005 06:04:00 PM | Link |

 

5/10/2005

My Way of Life

Today in entertainment history. Joan Crawford died in 1977 in NYC. Or did she?

posted by David on 5/10/2005 07:21:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

Here's one of those dumb 'tests' you take out of boredom at work. I'm a LION. Uh-huh...,

posted by David on 5/10/2005 04:34:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

Last night was the first SCARRIE read through. It seems like we cast the show a million years ago and it's finally starting. Everybody involved seemed to be having a good time, and we watched the film afterwards. You could tell who hadn't seen it when they jumped out of their skin near at the very end. Jay Paul Skelton made a special guest appearance as Mr. Shiplace and I got to read the part of Scooter. Looks like we're going to have fun...,

posted by David on 5/10/2005 03:29:00 PM | Link |

 

5/09/2005

My Way of Life

Well, good for you, Sandy...,

posted by David on 5/09/2005 10:21:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

We all do what we can...,

posted by David on 5/09/2005 06:45:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

Tonight is the first night of rehearsals for SCARRIE-The Musical, starting with a read through with most of the cast. Last night I finally got through an updated draft of 'The Birds' to be performed in Los Angeles this summer and now I'm to work on a draft for a piece that I may or may not be attached to. I see no reason to be coy about it, it's writing the book for a musical parody of Silence of the Lambs called 'SILENCE! The Musical'. Now, there's a 'hot' director/choreographer attached to it who has another book writer in mind so my original enthusiastic offer has turned into a 'he did bring a book writer to the table but is open to ideas' . No, I don't know what that means either but I'm sure it's not great news for me.

posted by David on 5/09/2005 03:49:00 PM | Link |

 

5/06/2005

My Way of Life

Well it's official...Hell has definitely frozen over. Last night we found out the gender-bending, bawdy, naughty, musical parody I'm part of, The Bad Seed-The Musical got a Jeff Recommendation! See, I told you it was good. If I don't like something I usually don't say anything about it-on my Blog, that is..., Trust me on this one, kids. I couldn't be prouder of Robert Bouwman and Todd Schaner, the co-founders of Corn Productions and co-writers of the show. Kudos to Scott Lamberty (my POSEIDON! and SCARRIE co-collaborator) as well for his fun, infectious music. Now we need butts to fill those Jeff worthy seats, so what are you waiting for???? Call NOW! Operators are standing by!

posted by David on 5/06/2005 04:15:00 PM | Link |

 

5/05/2005

My Way of Life

Did I mention that I was SPOTLIGHTED in the latest The Morning After, the official Poseidon Adventure fanclub newsletter? Yes, I'm a dork.

posted by David on 5/05/2005 06:01:00 PM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

Brigitte said I looked tired this morning. Did I tell you Brigitte works with me now? That's another Blog, but Brigitte said I looked tired. My face is probably a little pissed at me for the whole make-up thing so it has decided to look tired. Opening night went very well thank you very much. Things went smoothly and the audience really seemed to enjoy the show. They were roaring with laughter. The large cast has really pulled it together and we are all enjoying ourselves. This is evident onstage, but I Have to say the anchors of the show are the amazing Robert Bouwman and Todd Schaner. Their comic timing is so sharp it could cut diamonds. Of course I want you to see the show because I'm in it, but even if I wasn't it's worth attending if you're a fan of comedy, camp, parody and or the movie. Oh! And don't forget my dance SOLO!!!!

Ed Jones, Derek Czaplewski and Aaron, the little drummer boy attended, making me EXTRA nervous, because well, they're tough. Aaron skipped out before I could say hello. I hope he wasn't embarrassed. My homies Derek and Ed stuck around as did one the 3 critics in attendance specifically to tell Robert how much she enjoyed the show. Now this was a critic that reviewed Rudolph and said some pretty idiotic things so when she came up to me and told me how much she enjoyed my performance I'm pretty sure she didn't know who I was (she must live in a cave...Well she's big enough), but being the pro I am I smiled my Beauty Pageant smile and said 'Why thank you!'

posted by David on 5/05/2005 03:42:00 PM | Link |

 

5/04/2005

My Way of Life

A new musical comedy vehicle for Ed Jones or Steve Hickson? Titles? Nazi Nursie- The Unbelievably True story of Hitlers Nurse? Song suggestions? Do the Reich Thing?

posted by David on 5/04/2005 05:15:00 PM | Link |

 

5/03/2005

My Way of Life

One of those days. I hope it doesn't carry over into my performance tonight. I got some potentially great Handbag news yesterday but I don't want to jump the gun until I get final confirmation. Maybe a refreshing shower will change my 'blah' mood.

posted by David on 5/03/2005 10:32:00 PM | Link |

 


'RHODA! What a question!" The brilliant Todd Schaner and Robert Bouwman as Tiff and Mom as Christine and Rhoda Penmark..., Posted by Hello

posted by David on 5/03/2005 06:07:00 AM | Link |

 

My Way of Life

We had our first The Bad Seed preview. About five people showed up but it was nice to have new eyes, Hugh Mathis and my old friend Rachel showed. Rachel's coming back Friday, so thats a good sign. It felt good. Could be better of course, but then, I feel that way about every show I'm in.

posted by David on 5/03/2005 06:02:00 AM | Link |

 

5/02/2005

My Way of Life

Yeeeash..., We had our first full dress Bad Seed-The Musical rehearsal last night and it went pretty well. There are free previews tonight and tomorrow. See the address listed below. I am one hot Miss Fern. Oh...,and don't forget my dance solo.

posted by David on 5/02/2005 08:05:00 PM | Link |

 

5/01/2005

My Way of Life

Today we had our first official long overdue 'what the fuck does it mean to an an ensemble member?' meeting. In attendance were Myself, Melissa Pond, Derek Czaplewski, Dan Hickey, Steve Hickson, Brannen Daugherty, Brooke Allen, Clarissa Gregg, Timmy Howard, Terry McCarthy, Ed Jones, Steve Kimbrough, and Brigitte Ditmars. The meeting lasted three hours and we got alot of good things accomplished. I thought it was very exciting and was proud that we managed to focus on the business at hand. Stay tuned for bright shiny new Handbag.

posted by David on 5/01/2005 05:54:00 AM | Link |

 


Here is 'official' Corn Productions Bad Seed poster. I hope to see you there..., Posted by Hello

posted by David on 5/01/2005 05:51:00 AM | Link |

 

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