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7/31/2006

My Way of Life

Have you seen my ads?, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

My goodness, I haven't Blogged since Wednesday! Honestly, it's not a case of laziness. For YOU, dear readers shall reap the rewards of my toils in the form of Caged Dames- (Insert Tagline Here). I've been working on songs for the show. I'm working with an energetic and talented young woman, Annie Clapper, who is literally young enough to be my daughter, if you can believe that. We have a director, Scott Bradley who you might have caught in the Hypocrites Angels in America. Scott's vision and aesthetic was a frightening match of my own, We had some outstanding candidates, so it was a difficult decision. Saturday we had auditions to fill in some empty slots and once again, we had great people. Not a single waste of time. No open calls this time. Sunday we had a Hell in a Handbag board meeting at 10:30 in the morning. It was difficult to see Steve Hickson that early but Alissa Cummings made it bearable with a delicious breakfast spread. After that Chris and I jetted off to Whiting , IN to take my 8, 7, and 5 year nephews and niece to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean film. I enjoyed what I saw of the movie. The special effects were amazing. I wonder if kids today truly appreciate them. When I was young and watched the Greek Mythology films with the fighting Gargoyles and such in stop action I was amazed and couldn't keep my eyes off the screen. This film had an entire crew made of the creatures from the bottom of the sea. It was truly incredible to see and so imaginative.
The ride home ranged from fun to not so fun. Fun- when Chris introduced the kids to The Quiet Game and watching the comic of the group Ethan, initiate each match- 1,2,3- ZIP IT! Not so fun when the chronic worrier and bossy 8 year old brother started hollering at his Uncle Chris more then once about the way he was driving home. 'Where are you going? THAT'S not the way to our house! Turn around!' At first it was funny, then I realized we were being berated by an 8 year old after he was told to stop a couple of times. I was like 'Hahahaha...HEY, wait a minute...I'm the adult, not him'...

I then told him in my best serious adult voice that he wasn't to talk to Uncle Chris like that or any adult. Profuse apologies and the same crap after 2 minutes. I had to tell his mom who informed me it was becoming a problem with her too. I felt like such a snitch...

posted by David on 7/31/2006 05:36:00 PM | Link |

7/27/2006

My Way of Life-Wanna play?

posted by David on 7/27/2006 04:37:00 AM | Link |

7/26/2006

My Way of Life- LA Clown

What happens to washed-up LA bimbo clowns, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

Would you want this entertaining your children? Actually, this is the perfect 'Caption this picture' contest. I'll start-

It soon became apparent that even make-up couldn't camouflage Ms. Lohan's hard living.

posted by David on 7/26/2006 04:35:00 PM | Link |

7/25/2006

My Way of Life

Castro Theater Marquee, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

The people you see underneath the marquee are the members of the Joan Crawford Strange Cargo internet 'discussion' group. I originally joined the group back in 2004 when we did How Whatever Happened to Baby Jane Happened. I joined all of the Joan and Bette internet chat groups I could to learn as much as I could from hardcore fans about the two stars. The Bette groups were dead in the water. No activity. The Joan groups were filled with extremely enthusiastic, even rabid fans. There are various schools of Joan Crawford fans. Sort of a like various interpretations of Christianity. Of course we all know Joan is bigger then Jesus Christ, but I had to make my point.

There are those who believe Joan was a loving and benevolent saint who never laid a hand on her children, never got drunk and made a fool of herself a little too often, and never got a little carried away in the ego department. I am not one of those people. On the flipside there are those who believe Joan is that woman you see Faye Dunaway portraying in 'Mommie Dearest'. A raging whirling dervish that spent her life drinking all she could, screwing anything that moved and beating the hell out of her children with wire hangers. I am not one of those people either. I think that anybody that would believe either one of those portrayals is an idiot, but that's just my opinion.

What I found on the Strange Cargo Joan Group were a group of people that believe Joan was a magnificently flawed human being that remained a star for almost 50 years. Granted some of those years involved cavemen and axes, but Joan was the original Madonna. Constantly reinventing herself. I also happen to think she was an extraordinary actress but my definition of actress may differ from yours. We love her grit, determination and her essence. No, I don;t like the fact that she was abusive towards her children- 2 of them , at least, but I wasn't crazy about it when it happened to me either. I got over it and have a great relationship with my parents. Christina Crawford did not. If she did she wouldn't have anything to talk about on television or for any paid speaking engagements. I'm not saying I don't believe her, I'm just saying it's been a few years she should consider moving on, and that Joan shouldn't be remembered for this when she has this amazing body of work and did what few WOMEN of her time have done before. Where was I? Oh, the group... I eventually left all the Joan groups but one, Strange Cargo. I stayed because the people were funny, smart and they know their Joan without being unrealistic about who she could be as a person. That all said I was about nervous about meeting a few of them in San Francisco. I went alone, and these would be the folks I planned on hanging out with! What if they were smelly or were folks you didn't want to be seen sitting with in a cosmopolitan movie house? I mean, I have my reputation to think about.

posted by David on 7/25/2006 09:46:00 PM | Link |

My Way of Life- Veda, I'm seeing you for the first time...

Hollywood legend Ann 'Veda' Blyth, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

Let's get this over with right now. Ann Blyth sleeps in formaldahyde. She must drink the blood of virgins because she looked 11 times better then many of the woman (and their weren't that many) at the Castro Theater half her age and that my dear is no exaggeration. Her Hollywood training was quite evident in her appearance and demeanor and as I walked up to her for a picture and an autograph it occured to me that I was meeting a legend. Truth be told I wasn't nervous about meeting her. Not Ann-Margret/Debbie Harry nervous- until I started walking to her and she looked at me directly in the eyes with the same eyes that looked contemptuously at Joan Crawford 60 years ago. I touched the same hand that SMACKED Joan Crawford 60 years ago. I had to be the 3 hundred and something person she met that night and she was gracious as all heck. I was nervous as hell. 'Thank you for your wonderful performance tonight and keeping the good things about Joan alive'. 'You're welcome', she said.

posted by David on 7/25/2006 03:57:00 PM | Link |

7/24/2006

My Way of Life

posted by David on 7/24/2006 09:03:00 PM | Link |

7/19/2006

My Way of Life- Caged Dames

Caged- Slapping Eleanor, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

I've got a head full of bumblebees and they all have some sort of task related to Caged Dames, our new show opening October 18 at the Bailiwick Studio space. Myself, Scott Bradley, the director and Ed Jones my co-producer are doing what it takes for a small NFP theater to get people to lend their time and talent for far below what they're worth and I've been very lucky so far. There are some people though... A simple 'drop dead' reply e-mail will suffice, my goodness! I mean, I'm an internation, nationa.., loca.., a celebrity on my block, and I reply to everybody and I always sign autographs!

Keep your fingers crossed- I wrote a fan letter to the brilliant Eleanor Parker after I snagged her home address, and I'm hoping she answers me and maybe even writes us something to put in the playbill.

I'm packing for San Francisco. How much lycra should I bring?

posted by David on 7/19/2006 08:39:00 PM | Link |

7/18/2006

My Way of Life- My Cheap and Horrible pilgrimage

Joan on Display, photographed by Darwin Bell.

So it's official. I'm heading to San Francisco this Thursday to see Mildred Pierce's scheming, conniving 'cheap and horrible' daughter, Veda! There's going to be a screening of Mildred Pierce at the Castro Theater with a special appearance by Ann Blyth herself. I'm also told that Bert, Mildred's deadbeat husband who was played by Bruce Bennett will be there as well. He's 100!

For those of you who are complete idiots, I mean, not 'in the know', Mildred Pierce is the role Joan Crawford, one of my favorite people on the world, got the Oscar for Best Actress. I'm going by myself! Actually, I'm meeting a few people from...GEEK ALERT.... my Joan Crawford Strange Cargo Yahoo Group. This is a group of people that talk to each other about Joan, her life, her films, her fashion, her maid, her favorite cheeses....you get the idea. I joined this and a couple of other Joan Internet Groups when I was doing research for 'How whatever Happend to Baby Jane Happened'. The other Joan Groups had a very unrealistic and humorless atmosphere, which, as most of you know, is NOT how I approach Joan. I love my Joanie, warts and all. I stayed with Strange Cargo because they are a smart and funny group and they are passionate and much more knowledgeable about Joan then I. I learn a lot, but I forget it the next day. The group moderator, Stephanie runs the best Joan Crawford site on the internet, hands down, and what would a Joan Crawford fan site be without drama. Yes, there's another Joan site with a creator just as 'devoated' and passionate...and there's a bit of a rivalry. I'm not making this up, I mean, how could I? I, myself was involved in one of the 'incidents', and the e-mails I received from said rival Joan Fansite Gang Leader were what you would expect to read if a chihuahua could type. I think the rival Joan Gang will be there so it will fun to see if we play 'Hollywood Joan' and hug or have a Sharks vs. Jets 'Joan -Off' .
Any readers familiar with the San Fran scene? Tell me where to go.

posted by David on 7/18/2006 04:06:00 PM | Link |

7/17/2006

posted by David on 7/17/2006 03:55:00 PM | Link |

7/15/2006

My Way of Life- Legs

Stupid restless legs! I went to sleep at 1am, woke up at 3:3oam, and was up until 7:30am! Oy vey! I was Googling RLS and the stuff I take for it is also used for Parkinson's Disease. Chris thinks it's funny.

posted by David on 7/15/2006 07:14:00 PM | Link |

7/14/2006

My Way of Life- Only Human

The Human League, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

It's funny how my rant about my perceived neglect had so many interesting developments. As reported yesterday, I'm over it. I've moved on. Sometimes you just have to vent, and I vented. What did I learn? Everybody does the best they can and we all have different ways of dealing with things that may be totally alien to others. I also learned that there are people out there who may not be ONE OF MY FANS! That's okay. I know who I am, and I am willing to declare myself to the world- sometimes. It's funny where your mind goes when you start guessing...

Now I think we should all hold hands and sing 'Everybody Hurts' by REM followed by 'Human' by The Human League.

posted by David on 7/14/2006 05:48:00 PM | Link |

7/13/2006

My Way of Life- RIP Red Buttons 1919-2006

REd Buttons as James Martin, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

I just found out our Mr. Martin died. Rest in Peace. you Batchelor Haberdasher...

Another Hollywood legend gone, another climber passed away, another massive career.

posted by David on 7/13/2006 09:14:00 PM | Link |

My Way of Life- Why I Don't Have Pets

Why I Don't Have Pets, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

From Worth1000.com...

posted by David on 7/13/2006 06:07:00 PM | Link |

My Way of Life- Dear Reader

Dear Readers..., originally uploaded by Hell In A Handbag.

Dear Reader-

I'm angry and bit hurt and perplexed. An old friend of mine recently past away. I posted this on the Handblog. So I waited patiently to see when there would be a memorial service for him. I waited and waited-and waited. I picked up the Gay Chicago magazine yesterday and read that the memorial service was July 9! What the hell? Well, two of my 'best' friends sure would be interested in this as SURELY, they would have told me if they'd known about it. Well, I'll bet you know where this is going... They were at the goddamn service, which incidentally was held near my house at the Leather Archive Museum (don't ask). When I asked the first one about it I was truly stunned that he had went, and I had already spoken with him before and after the event. He apologized profusely and said he thought I knew about it, and even admitted that he was hoping I'd be there as he drove to the event but still didn't bother to press seven fucking buttons on his phone to let me about the memorial service. We'll call this person Friend #1. Friend #1 is notorious for selfish behavior-unless it involves him, you're not likely to hear from him, but deep down he's a good guy. He's been kind and generous in the past, but the bottom line is he's pretty much the center of his universe, and we've all come to accept this.

Friend #2 was someone I expected a little more from. The fact that that neither one of them told me either indicates that,

A. They didn't think it was important, which would be incredibly horrible judgment on their part or

B. They were ashamed, and afraid to tell me, or

C. They both just forgot (as usual), because they were pre-occupied with other things that don't extend beyond the tips of their noses.

Friend #2 admittedly going through some personal things that may account for some of this 'forgetfulness', but I still think a simple call or mention was in order.

I've had it. Part of me feel likes Joan when she took away Christina's dolls in Mommie Dearest. I can't wait to be able to do the same to them- disappoint them. Let them down, so they know the sting of being betrayed by people you're supposed to count on. Another part of me wants to acknowledge the anger and move on. An old friend died. The point of this whole stupid episode is to show how important friendship and life are. And I just saw that Lucy episode last night when Lucy buys Ethel the Hostess Pants-you know, the ones for 'Hosting smart dinner parties', that Ethel hates and they end up having that big fight and making up at the playthey attend. One of my favorite episodes...

I mean, what if friend #1 or #2 died? They'd probably 'forget 'to tell me.
What would YOU do?

posted by David on 7/13/2006 03:24:00 PM | Link |

7/12/2006

My Way of Life

posted by David on 7/12/2006 10:36:00 PM | Link |

7/11/2006

My Way of Life- Yay Italy!

NOW do you like sports?, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

Our pal Kevin in California turned me on to the OHLALAPARIS.COM site and I must say, soccer players are way sexier then the big gutted baseball players and gorilla man football dudes.

posted by David on 7/11/2006 09:50:00 PM | Link |

My Way of Life- June Allyson, 1917-2006

June Allyson, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

We lost another one from the golden age of Hollywood , the girl next door, June Allyson. June was certainly loved in Hollywood and why wouldn't she be? I don't think I've ever seen a picture where she wasn't smiling. I actually heard about this through Hilary Saenzel this morning and couldn't find anything online about it. Apparently I had a 'scoop' and didn't know it. It seems Hilary's mom is a big time June fan and actually became a phone pal with Ms. Allyson. Hilary writes 'One of the biggest thrills of my mother's life was the first time June called to thank her for one of her gifts. I believe she still has it on the answering machine after all this time. '

That's a classy lady.

posted by David on 7/11/2006 06:20:00 AM | Link |

7/10/2006

My Way of Life

Lots of films this weekend besides The Girl Can't Help It. Well, okay two other films, but three trips to the theater is a lot for one weekend. Friday, we saw Strangers With Candy- The Movie. Who doesn't love the genius of Amy Sedaris? Not everybody. My friend Cara can't look at her so she doesn't watch, but since she's mad for Chapelle (something I don't really get), we'll chalk it up to 'It's just you and me, and we just disagree'.

posted by David on 7/10/2006 05:52:00 PM | Link |

7/09/2006

My Way of Life- Jayne, baby...

Jayne, baby..., originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

You know how when you live in a big city you usually don't take advantage of all it has to offer unless you have friends visiting from out of out of town? Well, today I took the train downtown to the Gene Siskel Film Center and saw The Girl Can't Help It starring my absolute favorite blonde BOMBshell, Miss Jayne Mansfield in CINEMASCOPE! This is part of Thoroughly Modern Tashlin- The Comedies and Cartoons of Frank Tashlin. I could go tell you about how Mr. Tashlin was ahead of his time with his larger then life CARTOON like imagery and observations on fame, that soooo predate the likes of Paris Hilton and the Gastineau Girls, but why not just click here and read all about it.

I caught the 3pm show in the Loop. I went alone, and the crowd was uh...Interesting. Imagine a room view of Comic Book Guys and , I would imagine some folks that saw the original viewing. I was hoping to run into some old time Jayne fans but the people weren't the kind you'd want to go up to and strike a conversation. It was nice to see some college kid 'cool cat' types but I think they may have been there fro the Gene Vincent and other rock and roll legends that appear in the film. When Jayne made her screen introduction the crowd literally gasped, which was so wonderful. I just love the idea of a 'Jayne Mansfield', and I'm so grateful to her for being Jayne.

posted by David on 7/09/2006 06:22:00 AM | Link |

7/07/2006

My Way of Life- Tracy takes on...

Tracy Repep and some guy, originally uploaded by Hell In A Handbag.

Hamlet! Opening tonight in Seattle, that far away city that Tracy ran away to. See Miss Repep as Ophelia with an oral fixation in a Wooden -O Theatre (notice the spelling of theater?) production of the Shakespeare play. Break many legs Tracy! We miss you.

posted by David on 7/07/2006 07:02:00 PM | Link |

My Way of Life- Valerie Cherish at the Emmys

Valerie Cherish gets an Emmy nomination, originally uploaded by Joan Jr..

The world can be so predictable.sometimes. Plastic, prefabricated stars like Beyonce and Ryan Seacrest rule America and the few of us with some taste have to endure being inundated with entertainment that is packaged to appeal to the largest demographic audience possible. But once in a while there's a glimmer of hope. When The Comeback first aired I was hooked. I knew it wasn't doing well and although I hoped aganst all hopes that it would succeed I wasn't really surpised when it was deemed to odd even for HBO. We have come to expect things we like not to be accepted and maybe in the back of our mind that makes us like them even more. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather when I heard that Lisa Kudrow was nominated for an Emmy award for best actress in a comedy series. Fucking A!

posted by David on 7/07/2006 04:59:00 AM | Link |

7/06/2006

My Way of Life- What if?

Ken Lay, originally uploaded by Hell In A Handbag.

I'm consumed with this feeling Ken Lay is not actually dead. He was super rich, right? What if he faked his own death and is living the rest of his life as a giant grey fox?

posted by David on 7/06/2006 05:11:00 PM | Link |

7/05/2006

My Way of Life

posted by David on 7/05/2006 05:29:00 PM | Link |

7/04/2006

My Way of Life- Proud to be an American

Liberace- Proud to be an American, originally uploaded by Hell In A Handbag.

We at Hell in a Handbag Productions wishes these United States of America every bit of of fun and freedom it deserves this year, so go ahead America, celebrate the blowing up of Iraq by recreating your own little show of force with fireworks in your own backyard. IN America we believe in freedom- whether you like it or not.

posted by David on 7/04/2006 08:29:00 PM | Link |

7/03/2006

My Way of Life

posted by David on 7/03/2006 04:00:00 AM | Link |

7/01/2006

My Way of Life- Birthday Goddess

posted by David on 7/01/2006 06:50:00 AM | Link |

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